JEZEBEL:
Heya, sweeties! Once again, it’s time for Cat and Muse, live from the sordid depths of Jackie Kessler’s website. I’m Jezebel, former succubus and current talk-show host. With me, as always, is the cliché-speaking, song-singing Muse of tragedy, Melpomene! Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
Yo.

JEZ:
During the last show, Mel, you were a bit…inebriated.

MEL:
Hit me with the dog that bit me.

JEZ:
Sweetie, are you working on a drunk now? Are you going to dive into showtunes?

MEL:
Clean and sober.

JEZ:
Excellent. Because you know, as Chef once said, there’s a time and a place for things like that. It’s called “college.”

Avid Fans, I have to apologize for the delay in posting. I could say it was a technical glitch. I could say it was due to someone in the Underworld bemoaning how Pluto ain’t a planet anymore, and Hades is downright pissed. (You try being a god that has to deal with dwarf planet jokes from the other celestials. See how much of a sense of humor you’d have.)

But the truth is, it’s all Jackie Kessler’s fault.

That’s right, Jackie. I’m calling you down to the field. You screwed up, Dear Creator. You were supposed to update Cat and Muse last week. But did you get an interview prepared in time? Hell no! Did you bother asking me for help? Hell no! Did you get all caught up in the “Oh, I’m so busy because I have to prep two synopses of upcoming books for my editor,” and all “Oh, I have to finish the YA urban fantasy that I haven’t even shown my agent yet”? Puh-leeze! As if those are excuses! Who cares if you’ve started two new writing projects and barely have time to sleep?

You’ve got a commitment here, Creator. You owe it to the fans.

MEL:
Do it for the Gipper.

JEZ:
Hell with that, you owe it to me. You made me, damn it—you can’t leave me hanging for a week without updating the content! I’ll forgive you this time. But don’t let it happen again.

MEL:
Forgive and forget.

JEZ:
Screw the forgetting. We demons (and former demons) have long memories. Don’t mess with me, Creator. Clear?

And now, a quick Dirty Thought. When Bryan Adams sings about the “Summer of ’69,” is he talking about the year or the position? I know what my answer is…

Well, Avid Fans, there’s no interview today. Two are on the way—Richard Jones’ very funny former god Tom Sure will be talking to me about…well, whatever he wants to, and MaryJanice Davidson’s vampire queen Betsy Taylor will give us the skinny on sex, vampire style. Things to look forward to!

MEL:
Anticipation…

JEZ:
That’s this week’s episode, short and sweet. Before we go, a little tidbit about my Dear Creator. She can’t pronounce the word “street” correctly. She says it as if it’s “shtreet.” Hey, at least she knows how to spell it. Until next time, Avid Fans! And remember, lust isn’t just a deadly sin. It’s also a brand of clothing.

Smooches!