JEZEBEL:
Heya, Avid Fans! Welcome to the first 2007 interview on Cat and Muse, the only fake talk-radio show on the Internet run by a former succubus and the Muse of Tragedy! I’m Jezebel, coming at you live from the dark depths of Jackie Kessler’s website. With me, as always, is the cute, the cuddly, and cliché-speaking producer of Cat and Muse…Melpomene!

[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
Yo.

JEZ:
Um…forgive me, but are you wearing an “Arnie For President” tee shirt over your toga?

MEL:
Failure is not an option. Everyone has to succeed.

JEZ:
Oh boy. You’re quoting Governor Schwarzenegger, aren’t you?

MEL:
Political courage is not political suicide.

JEZ:
Guess I know which way you’d vote if, you know, you were an American citizen. Or, um, he was. Any reason why a former succubus and current New York City resident should consider voting for Arnold in 2008?

MEL:
The best activities for your health are pumping and humping.
JEZ:
Now THAT’S a campaign speech I can get behind. And in front. And on top.

[LAUGHTER]

Ooh, an active audience laugh track! Shivers up and down my spine! Mel, what does the term “demon lover” mean to you?

MEL:
O where have you been, my long, long love, this long seven years and mair?

JEZ:
Right—a Scottish ballad. Fun little ditty about how the Devil comes to claim his unfaithful wife, lures her away with the promise of riches, then drowns her in the ocean.

MEL:
O I’m come to seek my former vows ye granted me before.

JEZ:
Well, our next guest on Cat and Muse shows that loving a demon doesn’t always end with a one-way ticked to Hell. Avid Fans, give a hot, hot, hot welcome to the heroine of Jacki Frank’s Jacob, the petite powerhouse…Isabella!

[APPLAUSE]

Heya, sweetie!

ISABELLA:
Hey. How’s it going? Nifty setup you got here.

JEZ:
Thanks, I like it. So, from librarian to demon lover. My, my. That must have been a Hell of an adjustment to make. Tell me, what was the most difficult part of adjusting to the new world you were thrown into?

BELLA:
Well, I have to say it’s the whole Supergirl transformation that’s hard.

JEZ:
Man, I wish I had your problems.

BELLA:
I mean, it’s fun, don’t get me wrong, I totally kick ass!

JEZ:
Heh. Damn straight!

BELLA:
But it’s like…not everything is fun about it. Getting the hang of this will be a trick.

JEZ:
So what’s the best part? (The sex. I know you’re going to say the sex.)

BELLA:
[LAUGHS] Okay, it’s the sex. But then there’s the whole part where I have the power to make a difference in people’s lives. A real, important difference. That’s really, really attractive to me.

JEZ:
Speaking of attractive… Jacob the Enforcer. Yum! What was it about him that attracted you from the first?

BELLA:
Oh well…those beautiful eyes of his. I don’t think he even realizes just how expressive they are. Sometimes he will look at me and think this incredibly sexual thought…even something like how he loves to touch me in the curve of my spine…and I shudder from the power of it.

JEZ:
The eyes. A terrific Hook if there ever was one.

MEL:
Windows to the soul.

BELLA:
All it takes is one of those wicked glances and I am a puddle of goo.

JEZ:
In Jacob, along with demons, there are druids and necromancers, along with plain ol’ humans. Did getting your species horizons broadened knock your socks off? Or did you take it in stride?

BELLA:
You know, I’m a gal from the Bronx. I grew up seeing everything and everyone…so many cultures and worlds within worlds in New York. I don’t think it fazed me in the least.

JEZ:
Speaking of living in the Bronx, haven’t you heard of safety bars on windows? Or did you accidentally-on-purpose throw yourself at Jacob’s feet—via the open window, from way up high?

BELLA:
Lordy. I know, I know…I’m not exactly a safety girl.

JEZ:
One of the very different things about Jacob is that demons aren’t necessarily the Evil beasties most humans associate with the word.

BELLA:
It’s a tragic difference, actually, between the demons humans expect to see and the Demons I’ve come to know. Demons are a race of powerful and beautifully moral elementals, beings of strong ideals and traditions.

JEZ:
Heh. Your demons and mine must hail from a different end of Creation.

BELLA:
The demons humans think they know so well, those are Demons who have been kidnapped, trapped in a star of black magic and poisoned into a horrible transformation until they become the monsters you would expect to see. It’s awful. Truly awful. And man, does it ever piss me off!

JEZ:
Black magic. That would be the necromancers. Bad guys?

BELLA:
What a bunch of jerks!

JEZ:
Which is better: a demon’s library, or demon sex?

BELLA:
Demon sex in the Demon library. Trust me, it’s a Hell of a thrill.

JEZ:
[LAUGHS] Speaking of thrills, the sex in Jacob was fabulously described. Was it really that beautiful in real life with you and Jacob? Or did your Dear Creator embellish bits and pieces to make the writing more lyrical?

BELLA:
Honey, the Earth moved. What kind of embellishment can top that?

MEL:
[SINGS] I feel the Earth move under my feet, I feel the sky tumbling down.

JEZ:
Thank you, Carole King. Bella, your Dear Creator’s name is Jacki Frank. Is the “Frank” part advertising her explicit (yet beautiful) nookie scenes?

BELLA:
Actually, Frank is her father’s name. Just her little way of honoring him.

JEZ:
Aw, that’s sweet. Avid Fans?

[AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW]

Yep, they agree: that’s damn sweet.

MEL:
Honor thy father and mother.

JEZ:
Hey, some of us don’t have parents, in the traditional sense. Bella, in Jacob, were there any parts of the story where you were like, Jacki, sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Dear Creator in sync the entire time?

BELLA:
It was a bit harrowing at the end there. I don’t think either of us had a clue where she was going to go with it. Jacki is rather cutthroat at times, and I was truly afraid for the lives of those involved…including my own! You simply cannot trust her.

JEZ:
Yeah, I know. All Creators are insane. Mine’s certifiable. If you could, what would you change in the world of publishing? Anything you or Jacki wish could be different?

BELLA:
[LAUGHS] They need a manual for first time authors. Do they have one of those?

JEZ:
If they do, my own Dear Creator needs one. Desperately.

BELLA:
Seriously, Jacki was totally clueless about what was going on until the book came out and she started to talk with other authors. Then a few mentors came her way…good women with beautiful souls who guided her a bit.

JEZ:
If Jacob went the way of Hollywood, who do you see playing your part?

BELLA:
Play me? Oh boy. Ummm…Reese Witherspoon, if she dyes her hair and can do a NY accent!

JEZ:
What about (yum) Jacob—who should play him?

BELLA:
Jacob…I recently thought the actor from Standoff, Ron Livingston.

JEZ:
What’s better: sex or chocolate?

BELLA:
Sex.

JEZ:
[GRINS] I like the way you think. Finally, if you could be Evil for one day (without worrying about the state of your immortal soul), what would you use your infernal powers for?

BELLA:
I have no idea!

JEZ:
Ah, Good to the very end. Bless me, once a heroine, always a heroine. Avid Fans, please give it up for Isabella, the heroine of Jacki Frank’s Jacob, now on sale at fine stores near you!

[APPLAUSE]

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse! See you next time. And remember, if you can’t wait a week (or so) for the next episode, you can visit me and my fellow Kensington Succubus Diva, Georgina, and super sexy werewolf cop Luna at Magical Minxes. And remember, lust isn’t just a deadly sin. It’s also a book.

Smooches!