JEZEBEL:
Heya, Avid Fans! It’s time for another episode of Cat and Muse! I’m your host, the former demon Jezebel, coming at you live from the sordid depths of Jackie Kessler’s website. With me, as always, is the tremendously tragic, magically museful producer of Cat and Muse, the cliché-speaking, pop-culture-referencing Muse of Tragedy…Melpomene!

[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
Today’s guest is the star of Judy Larsen’s breakout novel, ALL THE NUMBERS. Booklist raves: “Larsen depicts a mother’s year of grief and recovery with a sure and honest voice.”

MEL:
AS TENDER AS A MOTHER’S HEART.

JEZ:
And Freshfiction.com declares: “Engrossing, exceptional, and emotional! ALL THE NUMBERS is a novel not to be missed.” Boys and girls, say hello to…Ellen!

[APPLAUSE]

JEZ:
Heya, Ellen!

ELLEN:
Hey everybody, it’s good to be here.

JEZ:
Your situation, bluntly, is horrific. Your child died.

ELLEN:
He’s killed by a jet-skier.

JEZ:
With that as the start of the book, is there anything that’s good about it? I’m mean, I’m all for death, doom and destruction—it’s the demon in me. But not of kids. That’s just wrong.

ELLEN:
It’s ultimately redemptive—when I finally reach a point of forgiveness and can move on.

JEZ:
[NODS]I hear redemption is all the rage.

ELLEN:
Either that, or when I’m making out with the cute lawyer.

JEZ:
See, that I can understand. Good for you! So, about the lawyer…who’s on top? Or are there other preferred positions?

ELLEN:
We like a variety.

JEZ:
My, my!

ELLEN:
Not partners, just positions.

JEZ:
Heh. Well then, what’s your romantic fantasy?

ELLEN:
It will involve wine, a bubble bath—with him washing my hair and giving me a really good head massage—no phone calls or other interruptions.

MEL:
I’M GONNA WASH THAT MAN RIGHT OUT OF MY HAIR.

JEZ:
I like that. Bubble baths are sweet.

ELLEN:
If Gregory Peck, Dennis Quaid or Bruce Springsteen could drop by, that’s cool too.

JEZ:
Now we’re talking! Which is better: sex or chocolate?

ELLEN:
I’m a firm believer that it needn’t be either/or.

JEZ:
A woman after my own heart! In ALL THE NUMBERS, were there any parts of the story where you were like, Judy, sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

ELLEN:
Well, we were pretty much in sync, but damn, it was hard. I knew why she had to put me through what she put me through, but it wore me out.

JEZ:
If you had your way, what would you change about ALL THE NUMBERS?

ELLEN:
I wish she’d given me more cleavage.

JEZ:
[SNORTS LAUGHTER]

ELLEN:
It was a very minor part of the book, but just because she doesn’t have any, does that mean she couldn’t plump me up a little?

JEZ:
Well then, if you could make Judy do anything, what would it be?

ELLEN:
[SMILES WICKEDLY]She should start going to the gym more regularly.

JEZ:
Ooh, that’s a good one. [TURNS TO COMPUTER] Hear that, Dear Creator? You should get your [BLEEP] in gear too! [TURNS TO ELLEN] I shouldn’t be so hard on her, I know. She gave up caffeine recently, and ever since then she’s been mopey. Life without coffee. Could you imagine?

ELLEN:
[GRINS]I nearly got kicked out of the DMV where I’d gone to renew my driver’s license—apparently, the flunkies in charge didn’t like the fact that I’d brought my coffee in with me.

JEZ:
Heh. Tell me one thing in the real world that you wish you could change.

ELLEN:
The current administration.

JEZ:
[CHUCKLES]What about in the publishing world?

ELLEN:
I’d love it if bookstores were bigger so they could hold more books—and if folks flocked to readings/signings the way they do to blue-light specials.

JEZ:
If ALL THE NUMBERS goes Hollywood, who should play you in the movie?

ELLEN:
I think Reese Witherspoon would do a fine job.

JEZ:
What about the hottie lawyer?

ELLEN:
Judy would be hoping Dennis Quaid could play the lawyer. She’s got a thing for his dimples.

JEZ:
And who could blame her? Finally, if you could be Evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy Evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

ELLEN:
Oh man, this is soooo tempting. Ex-husbands, stupid co-workers, the snotty manager of the dry cleaner who said it was my fault that the cute new white linen shirt I’d just bought got mangled in their washer.

JEZ:
So many choices…

MEL:
…SO LITTLE TIME.

ELLEN:
I guess I’ll try to be bigger than just things done to me. So, how about all those middle school girls who are so mean to everyone they think is below them—how about a face full of zits right before picture day?

JEZ:
Perfect! Score one for Pride!

Boys and girls, give another round of applause to the star of Judy Larsen’s powerful debut, ALL THE NUMBERS, Ellen!

[APPLAUSE]

ALL THE NUMBERS is available at Amazon, B&N, and fine bookstores near you!

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse! Coming later this week: a hacker who works more than the standard computer magic. Until then, be sure to Hit the ROAD. And remember: Love your inner demon!