JEZEBEL:
Heya, Avid Fans! It’s time once again for Cat and Muse, coming at you live from the sordid depths of Jackie Kessler’s website. I’m your host, the former demon Jezebel. With me, as always, is the very wicked, and very wretched, cliché-speaking and pop-culture referencing Muse of Tragedy. Boys and girls, say hello to the producer of Cat and Muse…Melpomene!

[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
Hey, nice luggage! You going somewhere after the show?

MEL:
VACATION’S ALL I EVER WANTED.

JEZ:
Ah, you’re taking off for the long weekend. All hail Columbus Day! Where’re you off to?

MEL:
I LEFT MY HEART IN SAN FRANCISCO.

JEZ:
San Fran! Wonderful place. Love their earthquakes. Our next guest had to go to San Fransisco, too, but it was anything but a vacation. Well, not unless you count dead bodies and a paranormal serial killer as fun. Which, you know, really can be, in the right context. Our guest is the heroine of T.A Pratt’s BLOOD ENGINES, which bestselling author Kim Harrison calls “one of the most absorbing reads” she’s enjoyed in a long time. And Kelley Armstrong calls it a “fast-paced, thoroughly fun, satisfying read.” Avid Fans, give three cheers to the smart, saucy, slightly wicked witch of the East Coast…Marla Mason!

[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Marla!

MARLA:
Thanks for having me. I don’t usually do things like this, but the presence of a demon somehow makes it seem more natural, I gotta say.

JEZ:
You know, I’ve heard that you consider the fact that people want to kill you a plus, because death threats keep your job skills current.

MARLA:
Nothing keeps you on your toes like people trying to take your head off, and assassination attempts are sort of like deadlines or hangings—they tend to concentrate the mind.

JEZ:
Even for an urban fantasy heroine, you have a lot of bad [BLEEP] happen to you. I mean, a lot. What’s the worst thing?

MARLA:
There are so many worst things. Every worst thing was followed by another even worse thing.

JEZ:
Details?

MARLA:
First I discovered a plot against my home city from someone who wants to take my job as chief sorcerer of Felport, so I had to drag my moderately faithful sidekick Rondeau out of bed at an ungodly hour and hop a plane across the stupid country to stupid San Francisco.

JEZ:
Why stupid, children?

MARLA:
I hate leaving my city unattended. But to counter the aforementioned nefarious plot I needed an artifact that an old friend of mine had in SF, so I went, figuring I’d zip in, zip out, and be done.

JEZ:
It’s never that easy, is it?

MARLA:
Oh, no. Once I got there, I found out my friend had been murdered, the artifact was playing hard to get, and then I had to go and get embroiled in local politics and make a few new enemies.

JEZ:
You sure know how to have a good time! Anything salvageable about your San Francisco trip?

MARLA:
I guess, apart from the inherent misery of being in San Francisco, there were one or two things I didn’t utterly despise—meeting a psychic named Bradley Bowman who turned out to be halfway useful and not a total moron.

JEZ:
Ooh, a love interest!

MARLA:
Love interest? As if I had the time. I thought he was kind of cute, but he’s gay, so it didn’t do me much good.

JEZ:
The cute ones are always gay or married, aren’t they?

MARLA:
Him and Rondeau, though… let’s just say I didn’t watch them every second, nor would I want to. Rondeau wouldn’t call himself gay, really, just… flexible.

JEZ:
So what else was good about the Bay?

MARLA:
I got to beat a lot of people up, which always improves my mood.

JEZ:
Do you have a standard people-bashing outfit? Or are you more of a grab and go sort of gal?

MARLA:
I’m not one of those leather-pants-and-a-halter-top women.

JEZ:
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

MARLA:
You can’t beat the view, that’s for sure. But me, I wear clothes I can move and fight in—loose cotton pants, whatever shirt’s on top of the pile, and my boots are made for stomping.

MEL:
THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKING.

MARLA:
I do have this cloak—a magical cloak, even—that I put on when things get really out of hand. It’s white on the outside, with a purple lining. I look a little like a refugee from a Renaissance Faire when I put it on.

JEZ:
Unfortunate.

MARLA:
But it’s saved my life a lot of times, even though it takes kind of a nasty psychic toll on my mind every time I use it.

JEZ:
Magic cloak equals Tylenol. Gotcha. So I understand you have this thing about pissing off Aztec god worshipers. Smart move, going for the worshipers and not the actual gods. Gods tend to be pissy, and their humor makes no sense.

MARLA:
I’m not a judgmental person. Really. I believe in letting everybody go to hell in their own way. But this guy Mutex wanted to raise some old nasty Aztec gods from the depths of time, and in order to do so, he planned on ripping out and sacrificing as many beating hearts as he could find. And even for me, that’s going a little too far.

JEZ:
I don’t know, it could sort of grow on you…

MARLA:
Especially when he decided he wanted my heart.

JEZ:
Ah. Yeah, that’s a buzzkill.

MARLA:
The worst bit was the fact that he liked to kill people with frogs.

JEZ:
[BLINKS]Frogs?

MARLA:
Frogs. Which is pretty funny, right up until the moment when you die.

JEZ:
Yeah, I can see that…

MARLA:
They’re golden poison dart frogs—phyllobates terribilis—and he made them even more poisonous with magic. Which, since they’re already just about the most poisonous thing on Earth, struck me as overkill.

JEZ:
Really. I would have stuck with poisoning all the apples. Which is better: sex or chocolate?

MARLA:
Depends on the sex. And the chocolate.

JEZ:
Heh. You mentioned you don’t have a lot of time for time between the sheets. If you did, what would you do, and with who?

MARLA:
I haven’t had a lot of luck with love.

JEZ:
Love? I’m talking about good ol’ fashioned sex.

MARLA:
Give me a date where the guy isn’t secretly an assassin or a spy or a monster in disguise, and I’m happy. The most successful relationship I’ve ever had was with an incubus, if that tells you anything.

JEZ:
Oh, sweetie, I understand, completely. I’ll give you the number of this terrific support group after the show.

MARLA:
My second book about me, POISON SLEEP, does have some romance… but I’m not proud of it.

JEZ:
Ooh, me likey the plug! Let’s get to the nitty gritty: In BLOOD ENGINES, were there any parts of the story where you were like, T.A., sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

MARLA:
If I could get my hands on the author of my miseries… well, I’d pay back that misery in kind.

JEZ:
I SO hear you. [GLARES MEANINGFULLY AT COMPUTER]

MARLA:
I could’ve especially done without the bit where I ran into a cannibal witch in a secret underground train station.

JEZ:
Cannibal witch? Really?

MARLA:
Or the bit where a potential ally told me he’d actually made a sacred vow to kill me, which put the kibosh on our prospects for friendship.

JEZ:
That doesn’t mean you couldn’t still sleep with him, you know…

MARLA:
[SIGHS]He’s actually an ancient snake god. And you know what they say about snake gods…

JEZ:
Yeah, they’re hissy in the morning. If you had your way, what would you change about BLOOD ENGINES?

MARLA:
The part on page one, where I’m in San Francisco, 3,000 miles from home.

JEZ:
[SNORTS LAUGHTER]

MARLA:
I don’t mind getting in fights and struggling against unspeakable odds—it’s what I signed up for when I became chief sorcerer and protector of my city. But I like to do it closer to home.

JEZ:
If you could make your Dear Creator do anything, what would it be?

MARLA:
Writing with a little less fondness for betrayal and backstabbing would be good.

JEZ:
Tell me about it. If BLOOD ENGINES goes Hollywood, who should play you in the movie?

MARLA:
My author tells me Katee Sackhoff would be perfect to play me, but I don’t watch TV, so I’ll have to take that on faith.

JEZ:
What about your sidekick, Rondeau?

MARLA:
I dunno. Benicio Del Toro when he was 25?

JEZ:
For the right price, that could be arranged. What’s one thing in the real world that you wish you could change?

MARLA:
Well, everything would be better if I ran the world, so I guess making myself benign dictator for life would be a good start.

JEZ:
Sweet! On that note, if you could be Evil for one day, how would you use your powers?

MARLA:
In the second book, I meet a woman who can literally reshape reality with her mind. I wouldn’t mind having that power—if I could wield it without going insane.

JEZ:
Always a catch, isn’t there?

MARLA:
As for Evil, my definition of “Evil” is “that which opposes my interests,” so it’d be tough for me to become evil myself…

JEZ:
Sweetie, I love the way you think.

Avid Fans, give a hotter than hot round of applause to the star of T.A. Pratt’s BLOOD ENGINES, on sale today at Amazon, Powells, and fine bookstores near you!

[APPLAUSE]

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse! Be sure to Hit the ROAD. And remember: Love your inner demon!