JEZEBEL:
Heya, Avid Fans! Welcome once again to Cat and Muse! I’m your host, the former demon Jezebel. With me, as always, is the producer of Cat and Muse, the tragic if not tantric Muse of Tragedy…Melpomene! Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
This weekend, our Dear Creator’s having a birthday. She’ll be having cake. Me, I’ll be sleeping in. What about you, Mel? Any plans?

MEL:
ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE PROPHECY OF THE WITCHES?

JEZ:
[BLINKS] Wait, I know that line…Ooh, I take it you’re going to see THE GOLDEN COMPASS?

MEL:
I PROPOSE TO DISCOVER A WORLD MUCH LIKE OUR OWN IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE.

JEZ:
Oh. My mistake.

Our next guest on Cat and Muse is the star of five novels by John W. Campbell award-winner Kristine Smith. Julie E. Czerneda calls the latest book “a rare gem, a science fiction thriller with big ideas and consequences, told through passionate, unforgettable characters.” And CJ Cherryh calls the series “innovative storytelling on that chancy interface between what is human and what is not.”

MELPOMENE:
MORE HUMAN THAN HUMAN.

JEZ:
Avid Fans, give a hotter than hot welcome to the star of Kristine Smith’s latest book, ENDGAME…Jani Kilian!

[APPLAUSE]

Heya, Jani!

JANI:
Glories of the day to you. [SHEEPISH SMILE] That’s a formal idomeni greeting. You hear it more in the colonies than here on Earth.

JEZ:
Jani, before we start, I have to say that I love the trouser suit. I’m flattered you dressed up for the interview.

JANI:
I’m sort of a diplomat, so there’s a dress code.

JEZ:
Nothing more sexy?

JANI:
[SHRUGS] The occasional evening gown. I can live with the suits, but evening gowns mean ridiculous shoes, and really, there should be hazard pay.

JEZ:
Sweetie, you’re talking to a stripper. I have to dance in five-inch heels, on a waxed stage, without either breaking an ankle or wiping out.

JANI:
My preferred outfit is a baggy coverall. Comfortable, and easier to hide the weapon.

JEZ:
Heh. Good to be prepared. So, a bit of background, because there’s a whole series to talk about, you lucky devil. You were one of six humans who attended the Academy on the idomeni homeworld of Shèrá. Were you considered an exotic alien and toasted as an instant celebrity? Or was it all work and no play?

JANI:
A lot of work. We studied to be documents examiners, experts in the paper system that forms the backbone of the human Commonwealth’s government and commerce.

JEZ:
In other words…you were paper hackers.

JANI:
I guess that’s pretty accurate.

JEZ:
How’d you get the gig?

JANI:
The Commonwealth Service sponsored me. After I graduated, I was committed to serving for a few years.

JEZ:
I know a little something about being committed to upholding your end of a deal.

JANI:
I planned to make a career of it, but then came an idomeni civil war.

JEZ:
I hate when that happens.

JANI:
Humans got caught in the middle, and some became more entangled than they should have and…

JEZ:
And?

JANI:
I did what I had to.

JEZ:
Sounds like there’s a story there. Oh, wait—there IS. Specifically, CODE OF CONDUCT, the first book in the series. Without giving anything away, can you catch us up?

JANI:
I sort of died.

JEZ:
Okay, the OTHER “without giving anything away” part…

MEL:
DEATH IS ONLY THE BEGINNING.

JANI:
A doctor named John Shroud saved my life, using some rather unorthodox—and, frankly, illegal—methods.

JEZ:
Sweet!

JANI:
I escaped his affectionate but controlling clutches, and spent almost twenty years in hiding, living under assumed names and surviving as best I could. That’s one way of saying that I have a criminal past.

JEZ:
[GRINS] Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

JANI:
Some would say I have a criminal present as well, but they’re just being picky.

JEZ:
Heh. So, dead and back again. And that’s all before ENDGAME. What was the worst part of everything that’s happened to you?

JANI:
Even though I’ve come thisclose to being considered respectable, nothing has changed.

JEZ:
That’s a problem?

JANI:
It’s maddening. You start to enjoy the little things. Seeing friends. HAVING friends. Being comfortable. Not having to look over your shoulder all the time. Then, little by little, bit by bit, it all goes to Hell.

MEL:
IN A HANDBASKET.

JEZ:
I get you. Really, I do. Anything salvageable about your situation? Or does it all basically suck to be you?

JANI:
Every once in a great while, I get to stick it to someone who badly needs sticking.

JEZ:
Oh, really?

JANI:
Often I don’t even have to kill them, which saves paperwork.

JEZ:
Back up a bit. Let’s talk more about the sticking it to someone who needs sticking. Is there a love interest involved?

JANI:
[BLINKS] Love interest…if I asked which one, would you think less of me?

JEZ:
[GRINS] Never! Go on, give us details!

JANI:
Well, I’m in love with John Shroud.

JEZ:
The doctor who isn’t into necrophilia, right?

JANI:
He means well, but like I said, he tends to be controlling, you know? He thinks he knows me better than I know myself. What I need. What I want. He makes me laugh, and he did save my life.

JEZ:
Sounds deserving of a nooner, at least.

JANI:
And he makes really great coffee.

JEZ:
[NODS] That automatically puts him in the “keeper” column.

JANI:
Then there’s Lucien. I don’t love Lucien. He doesn’t love me, either.

JEZ:
I assume the sex is phenomenal…

JANI:
Did I mention that he’s an assassin?

JEZ:
Ooh! One kills them, the other resuscitates them!

JANI:
And he’s blond. Very, very blond. And he can cook.

JEZ:
The perfect recipe for a threesome. Or are the other preferred positions?

JANI:
Top. Bottom. Standing. Sitting. In the shower. The odd storage closet. [COUGHS] It’s rather embarrassing sometimes. After the fact. I should know better, woman my age.

JEZ:
Which is better, sex or chocolate?

JANI:
Did I mention that I’m not 100 percent human?

JEZ:
Sweetie, you and I have so much in common, it’s a little frightening.

JANI:
John thought he was doing me a favor, using idomeni genetic material to help rebuild me, but like most good intentions, it backfired.

JEZ:
Bummer.

MEL:
THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS.

JEZ:
Hey, an appropriate cliché, AND a plug for my own book! Nicely played, Mel.

MEL:
[SMILES MYSTERIOUSLY]

JANI:
Anyway, I’m an idomeni-human hybrid, so standard issue chocolate tastes kinda flat. Unsweetened tastes a little better, but not much. Guess we have to go with sex.

JEZ:
Hardly the lesser of two evils, if you ask me. Speaking of evil, in ENDGAME, were there any parts of the story where you were like, Kristine, sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and she in sync the entire time?

JANI:
Someday, Kristine and I are going to sit down and have a long, long talk. Because I understand her point, and even agree with her much of the time, but this edge of the precipice business gets old after a while. Do things always have to be so fraught?

JEZ:
Oh, Jani, I so hear you. [GLARES MEANINGFULLY AT COMPUTER] If you had your way, what would you change about ENDGAME?

JANI:
There are a couple of things. I can’t tell you what they are, but I would change them. Oh, yes.

JEZ:
Heh. Well then, if you could make Kristine do anything, what would it be?

JANI:
Write me into a nice, calm story. With puppies. Just for the change of pace.

JEZ:
Aw. Tell me one thing in the real world that you wish you could change.

JANI:
Who’s in charge.

JEZ:
Dare I say it, but amen, sister. If ENDGAME goes Hollywood, who should play you in the movie?

JANI:
I’ve always thought that Claudia Black would make a good me.

JEZ:
Ooh, Aeryn Sun in Farscape!

JANI:
There’s a resemblance, and she’s good with weapons.

JEZ:
Who else would round out the cast?

JANI:
James Marsters could play my friend, Niall Pierce. Marsters sounds a little like him when he speaks in Spike-voice, and they both smoke like proverbial chimneys.

JEZ:
Yum—for the James Marsters and the smoking.

JANI:
If Christopher Eccleston could be sufficiently bleached, he could play John—John’s on the pale side, did I mention that? Actually, he’s an albino. Kind of marble-statuey.

JEZ:
Sexy!

JANI:
With coffee.

JEZ:
Like I said, a keeper.

JANI:
Lucien’s harder to cast, but there’s a model named Ryan Burns who looks about right. He just needs to be more blond.

JEZ:
And that could be arranged…What about the baddun? Who should play the big bad evil?

JANI:
The primary villain is Morden nìRau Cèel, Oligarch of the idomeni worldskein. The big guy, in other words. Tall. Lanky. Christopher Eccleston could probably play him.

JEZ:
Um, you’ve already cast him as John.

JANI:
To say that I can see the same actor playing my lover and my adversary probably says all that needs saying about my love life.

JEZ:
[BURSTS OUT LAUGHING]

MEL:
LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD.

JEZ:
Finally, if you could be Evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy Evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

JANI:
To me, the most Evil powers are those wielded behind the scenes. Most people don’t know what’s happening, and by the time they figure it out, the badness has already been codified, set in stone, become “the way things are.”

JEZ:
Yep. It’s a big ol’ infernal plan.

JANI:
I would be what I was when I began all this: a documents examiner. I could wreak more havoc in a day than any Bad Guy™ could in a year, and still have time for a nice dinner. With coffee.

JEZ:
[GRINS] Along with your favorite albino barista, I bet…

Boys and girls, give another round of applause to the star of Kristine Smith’s series…Jani Kilian!

[This isn’t Jani. But it is her Dear Creator, Kristine Smith.]

[APPLAUSE]

You can get the entire Jani Kilian series…and with the holidays upon us, the whole series [CODE OF CONDUCT, RULES OF CONFLICT, LAW OF SURVIVAL, CONTACT IMMINENT, and ENDGAME] would make a fabulous gift…at fine bookstores near you.

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse. See you next time! And remember: love your inner demon.