JEZEBEL:
Heya, Avid Fans! Welcome once again to Cat and Muse, the only Internet talk-radio show run completely by characters. That we know of. Or care about. With me, stranded in the sordid depths of Jackie Kessler’s website is the lovely, lamentable Muse of Tragedy…Melpomene!

[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
So check out the new digs! I have to admit, our Dear Creator might have no fashion sense, but she imagines up a killer relaunch of her site, no?

MEL:
DRESSED TO KILL.

JEZ:
Indeed! I love the new Cat and Muse section. Hell knows, we deserve our own li’l slice of fandom, don’t we? And the “Staff” section is too cute! I see you copped out on the photo, huh?

MEL:
[BLUSHES] BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER.

JEZ:
Aw. You’re gorgeous, you know.

MEL:
[BASHFUL SMILE]

JEZ:
Next up on Cat and Muse is one of the few guests who we made sign a waiver. Yeah, this happens sometimes—we get all sorts here, you know, and while we welcome everyone with welcome arms (and, occasionally, with tongue), some of our…more slay-happy guests make this former demon a tad nervous.

So our esteemed guest signed a form that promises she won’t try to take me out. I really hate working under a death threat. Makes me skittish.

MEL:
ANTS IN YOUR PANTS?

JEZ:
Yeah, and I break out when I’m nervous. But some things are worth it, and the opportunity to meet this guest live and in person ranked right up there! Her book, about to be released on April 1, is already getting great buzz. One reviewer exclaims: “With exciting action scenes and hot, hot passion, this romance-with-a-plot is perfect for snuggling up with by the fire, or for wiping out the tedium of a train or plane journey.” Exciting action? Hot, hot passion? Say no more! So, without further ado, say hello to the star of Stacia Kane’s debut novel PERSONAL DEMONS…Dr. Megan Chase!

[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Megan!

MEGAN:
Hi, Jezebel. Hi, Melpomene. Hi, listeners. It’s kind of cool to not be the one asking questions for once.

JEZ:
You know, I always heard that managed care can be hellish. What made you go the Frasier Crane route?

MEG:
Well, I got sucked into doing this radio call-in therapy show. And the station gave me this dumb line to say about “slaying personal demons.”

JEZ:
Totally agreed on the dumbness. And that’s not just because I’m a former demon. Really.

MEL:
LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE.

JEZ:
Hush up, Muse.

MEG:
But personal demons really exist, and they came after me.

JEZ:
Good for them! Er, no. I mean, poor girl. [COUGHS] So, I guess that pretty much sucked, huh?

MEG:
Yeah it did! Especially the part where my house is suddenly full of people. Well, I call them people, but it’s not exactly true.

JEZ:
‘Splain, please.

MEG:
I mean, all the demon stuff is scary.

JEZ:
Of course.

MEG:
But it’s really annoying to have three demons trying to watch me take a shower.

JEZ:
[SITS FORWARD] Details.

MEG:
They’re my bodyguards, see, and they take their duties very seriously.

JEZ:
[SMILES] I’d say so.

MEG:
Did I mention that the bodyguards are Cockneys? And their names are Malleus, Maleficarum, and Spud?

JEZ:
[BURSTS OUT LAUGHING]

MEG:
Or that my new friend is a rude witch with a strange sense of humor?

JEZ:
Oh, sweetie, trust me: they’re ALL rude, and their humor makes no sense.

MEG:
I could have done without the zombies too.

JEZ:
[BLINKS] Zombies.

MEG:
Not to mention all that stuff about the homeless guy who died when I was sixteen. I did NOT kill him.

JEZ:
Of course you didn’t, sweetie. You keep telling yourself that. So did anything good come out of all this?

MEG:
Kind of that my house is suddenly full of people too.

JEZ:
Heh.

MEG:
It’s nice not to be alone all the time. Suddenly I have a family, and that’s pretty cool.

JEZ:
So I’ve been told.

MEG:
Um, and the sex. That was great.

JEZ:
Woot! Now we’re talking! The doctor likes to play doctor! Okay, spill. You and Greyson. Who’s on top? Or are there other preferred positions?

MEG:
[BLUSHES] It’s probably about a 70/30 split for him on top. Unless he’s, um, behind me.

JEZ:
Ah, rear entry…

MEG:
Or sometimes he likes to prop me up on things.

JEZ:
“Things”? That’s what the kids are calling it these days?

MEG:
Or brace me against a wall or something. He’s just over a foot taller than me, so…

JEZ:
Oh, the possibilities are endless! Tell me, what’s your romantic fantasy? Don’t worry. It’s just us girls. You can be as graphic as you want. In fact, I insist.

MEG:
I cannot believe you’re getting me to tell you these things. I’m really not someone who talks about this stuff!

MEL:
THE LADY DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH.

JEZ:
[GRINS] That’s okay. We’re not corrupting you, I promise.

MEG:
[TAKES A DEEP BREATH] Okay. It’s sort of a fantasy, because it was a fantasy but then it actually happened. He has this cabin in the woods, and we spent a long weekend there. And it was really cold out, and then we went inside, and the fire was so hot we had to take off our clothes…

JEZ:
Hotcha!

MEG:
And there’s this very soft rug by the fireplace…

JEZ:
…with a very big smile on its face, I’m guessing…

MEG:
I still say he kept the fire too hot on purpose, but he just smirks.

JEZ:
Sounds like most of the incubi I know.

MEG:
Promise not to tell him I said this?

MEL:
OUR LIPS ARE SEALED.

JEZ:
What the Muse said.

MEG:
He’s kind of my fantasy. He’s, um, extremely good in bed. Or wherever else we happen to be.

JEZ:
Details!

MEG:
He’s very seductive.

JEZ:
What a good demon he is!

MEG:
Sometimes I pretend not to be as into it, so he’s forced to seduce me. Which is always fun.

JEZ:
Oh, honey, if you ever decide to switch sides, you’d make a Hell of a succubus! Which is better: sex or chocolate?

MEG:
Sex. I’m not a big fan of sweets, anyway.

JEZ:
You don’t know what you’re missing. So, in PERSONAL DEMONS, were there any parts of the story where you were like, Stacia, sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

MEG:
Again, I could have done without the zombies. And couldn’t she have put a real weapon in the house or something? In fact, anywhere in the damn book would have been nice.

JEZ:
Nothing, huh? Not even, I dunno, a butterfly knife?

MEG:
Nothing. I had pepper spray in my purse. Whoo. Thanks, that was a big help against demons and zombies and crazy guys with guns.

JEZ:
Heh. If you had your way, what would you change about PERSONAL DEMONS?

MEG:
I kind of died at one point. It would have been good if that hadn’t happened.

JEZ:
[NODS] Yeah, dying sucks angel feathers. I am SO not doing that again.

MEG:
Oh, and my friend Brian—he’s a reporter—saw me having sex.

JEZ:
Voyeurism! Sweetie, I love your universe!

MEG:
Well, he saw a memory of me having sex. I think that was rather unnecessary.

JEZ:
Aw. Don’t be like that. Sex is always necessary.

MEL:
WHATEVER DOESN’T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER.

JEZ:
But she DID die.

MEL:
[SHRUGS] ALL APOLOGIES.

MEG:
Plus all that delving into my past. I don’t know why she puts me through these things.

JEZ:
She’s a Creator. They do [BLEEP] like that. [GLARES AT COMPUTER SCREEN]

MEG:
Wait till you see what happens in the next one. It’s like she enjoys torturing me.

JEZ:
They do. It’s in their genes. But hey, if you could make Stacia do anything, what would it be?

MEG:
Couldn’t she write a book where good stuff happens? Like about Greyson and me on a cruise, and nothing scary happens. We went to Italy together, and she never wrote about that, and that was fun. There was room service and shopping.

JEZ:
Mmm. Room service…

MEG:
But no, it’s all angsty stuff and danger.

JEZ:
Nope. They can’t do it. Creators just aren’t wired that way.

MEG:
[SIGHS] And if she could give me a bit more insight into what Greyson’s thinking or feeling, that would help. But instead, she leaves me to try and figure it out on my own, which is NOT helpful. She won’t even translate his demon words for me. I think that’s pretty lousy. She’s such a bitch.

JEZ:
Yeah, she does sound it. But I think that’s just how Dear Creators are. Let’s talk about something fun: if PERSONAL DEMONS goes Hollywood, who should play you in the movie?

MEG:
Oh, this is a strange one. Stacia is really strict about not equating any of us with actors or actresses.

JEZ:
Stacia’s not here right now.

MEG:
For me, I don’t know, probably somebody like Kirsten Dunst. Only without the bustiness.

JEZ:
[SNORTS]

MEG:
Or Elizabeth Banks. And Greyson would be combination of James Franco and Jonathan Rhys-Meyers.

JEZ:
Yum. Finally, if you could be evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

MEG:
Oooh, evil powers?

JEZ:
Yuh-huh.

MEG:
Some people think the powers I have are pretty evil already. I wish I could set fires like Greyson can, but I don’t think that really counts.

JEZ:
Sure it does. A little pyromania goes a long way.

MEG:
Mind control would be fun. I can read people, but not control them.

JEZ:
Ooh. That sounds sinfully delicious.

MEG:
I’d make some changes in the world, that’s for sure. Get into some high government places, interrogate some people…

JEZ:
…Take over a few countries…

MEG:
It’s hard for me to think about this, because I spend so much of my time trying to keep my demons from doing this stuff themselves.

JEZ:
All work and no play makes Megan a dull girl…

MEG:
But I guess if I wanted to, I could be pretty evil. Heh heh. Hadn’t thought of it that way before.

JEZ:
[GRINS] My work here is done!

Boys and girls, give another hotter than hot round of applause to the star of Stacia Kane’s new novel PERSONAL DEMONS…Dr. Megan Chase!

[APPLAUSE]

[No, this isn’t Megan. But it is her Dear Creator, Stacia Kane.]

You can purchase PERSONAL DEMONS at Amazon, B&N, Book Sense, and at other fine bookstores near you.

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse! Until next time, no matter what some talk-show psychologists might otherwise say, remember: love your inner demon.