JEZEBEL:
Heya, Avid Fans! Welcome once again to Cat and Muse, the only Internet talk-radio show (that we know of) run by fictional characters. I’m your host, the former demon Jezebel. With me, as always, is the lovely, lamentable Muse of Tragedy, who’s stuck speaking in cliches and pop-culture references . . . Melpomene!

[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
Today’s guest is a lady who needs no introduction. Publishers Weekly calls New York Times bestselling author Charlaine Harris “an author of rare talents,” and Locus says that Southern Vampire Mysteries is “a thoroughly engaging series.” And in a starred review of the latest FROM DEAD TO WORSE, Publishers Weekly declares: “Harris outdoes herself in this pivotal eighth Sookie Stackhouse novel (after 2007’s ALL TOGETHER DEAD), packing the story full of romantic tension and supernatural action.” And it also mentions “a shock ending that will delight longtime fans.”

Romance? The supernatural? A delightful shock? Ooh!

Avid fans, give a hotter than hot welcome to the belle of Bon Temps, Louisiana . . . the terrific, talented, telepathic cocktail waitress who isn’t afraid to tell vampires to go bite themselves . . . star of Charlaine Harris’s Southern Vampire Mysteries . . . Sookie Stackhouse!

[APPLAUSE]

SOOKIE:
[WAVES HELLO]

JEZ:
Heya, Sookie! It’s a real thrill to have you here today. What’s the hardest part about being a telepathic barmaid?

SOOK:
The drunks. After guys get a few drinks under their belt, they start thinking nasty thoughts.

JEZ:
Heh. What about the best part?

SOOK:
I know all the gossip in town.

JEZ:
I sense blackmail . . .

MEL:
KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.

JEZ:
No lie. Sookie, you have a tomcat of a brother, Jason, who’s finally settled down to be a loving husband and a proud poppa. But before he got himself domesticated, he had a tendency toward trouble . . . which always meant trouble for you. Why, exactly, haven’t you killed him?

SOOK:
Blood is thicker than water. Though sometimes I’d like to test that out on his head.

JEZ:
[CHUCKLES] Violent thing, aren’t you? Bless me, I knew you and I would hit it off . . .

SOOK:
I’ll tell you, even married and on the verge of fatherhood, he’s still a pain in the patootie.

JEZ:
So, is family all it’s cracked up to be?

SOOK:
I don’t have much family left, to tell the truth. I’d do anything for them.

JEZ:
Gotcha. From what I hear, there’s all sorts of supernatural creatures walking and hunting in Louisiana, from vampires to werewolves to other shifters to homicidal dryads to fairies to witches. Oh, right, and demons. Whew. Which beastie is the scariest?

SOOK:
I think human beings are the scariest.

JEZ:
Seriously?

SOOK:
They turn on their own kind all the time.

JEZ:
Point taken. Which is the sexiest?

SOOK:
I’d have to say that vampires can be mighty sexy. They’ve had so much practice, and they know how to take their time . . . since they’ve got so much of it.

JEZ:
Heh. If you had to choose between becoming a vampire and becoming a shifter, which would you pick? And no cheating by saying you’d become an undead shifter.

SOOK:
I’d be a shifter. I never wanted to live forever, and I like being warm-blooded.

JEZ:
Who are better kissers: humans, weres, shifters, or vampires?

SOOK:
Depends on the male, be he human or supernatural. If he’s into you, and he’s interested in you, the kiss can be wonderful.

JEZ:
Forget kissing: let’s talk sex.

SOOK:
Gosh, Jezebel, that’s real personal.

JEZ:
[SMILES] Think of me as your own personal demon. Which make better bed buddies—vampires or shifters?

SOOK:
If you have to have your lovers warm, you want a shifter, especially if you’re into sex while the sun is shining. Vampires have that stamina . . .

MEL:
DECISIONS, DECISIONS . . .

SOOK:
There’s always a trade-off.

JEZ:
Do you think shifter females worry about underarm hair when they’re in human form?

SOOK:
Jezebel, I don’t give a flip what shifter females worry about.

JEZ:
[GRINS] Hit a nerve, eh?

SOOK:
They got their problems, I’ve got mine.

JEZ:
Fair enough. Given all the supernatural activity in your life, what’s your theory on the afterlife? Or are you more of a Live For the Now sort of gal?

SOOK:
Nope, I’m a conventional Christian, right down the line.

JEZ:
I won’t hold that against you. Why do you think everyone from vampires to shapeshifters want to seduce you? What is it about you that makes all the uberpowerful entities go “Oooh, yum”?

SOOK:
I sure don’t know, and I wish I could find out. I think maybe Charlaine knows.

JEZ:
Yeah, those Creators tend to hoard all the knowledge. [GLARES AT COMPUTER SCREEN]

MEL:
KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.

JEZ:
Sweetie, you already used that one.

MEL:
SO SUE ME.

JEZ:
Nothing worse than a cranky Muse. Sookie, tell me: Tom Cruise in Cocktail—a hottie who walked the walk, or a wannabe who had a stunt double making all the drinks?

SOOK:
He fooled me! But Sam is cuter.

JEZ:
Sam is just so adorable. So hey, why haven’t you taken your relationship to the next level? I mean, it’s not really workplace harassment if you willingly sleep with your boss.

SOOK:
We might lose the friendship we’ve got if it doesn’t work out.

JEZ:
Is it maybe worth the risk?

SOOK:
I haven’t made up my mind.

JEZ:
Speaking of risk . . . Don’t you want to sleep with Eric again?

SOOK:
Not as things stand now. I mean, he doesn’t remember when we got together before, and he’s kind of bossy . . .

JEZ:
No, really. Not even a little bit?

SOOK:
[SMILES] Yeah, I do.

JEZ:
Hah! Knew it! What about Bill?

SOOK:
[PAUSES] There’s a part of me that will always love him, because he was my first.

JEZ:
Aw.

SOOK:
Fortunately, I’ve buried that part real deep.

JEZ:
[GRINS] Okay, then: Quinn. Yum. Have you ever been tempted to read his mind when in the heat of passion?

SOOK:
His thoughts at the moment of truth are real, real simple, Jezebel. He just thinks: “Yes yes yes yes yes.” I can live with that.

JEZ:
What’s your romantic fantasy?

SOOK:
Sorry, Jezebel. I don’t tell anyone my fantasies. I live ’em out.

JEZ:
Sweetie, you and I have GOT to hang out after the interview. [GLANCES AT CUE CARDS] Let’s see. There’s unrest among the vampires . . . [PAUSES] Huh. Can the undead have unrest?

MEL:
A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME.

JEZ:
However you call it, there’s lots of badness going down. And you’re in the middle of it again, Sookie. So, like, did someone curse you along the way or something? Or is this just phenomenally bad luck? Did you have any idea what you’d be getting yourself into when you first did your happy dance over discovering Bill the Vampire way back when?

SOOK:
If I had only known. I do seem to end up in a lot of trouble.

JEZ:
You think?

SOOK:
I just try to protect my friends and do people a good turn or two, and see where I end up? Trouble seems to be my middle name.

MEL:
THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS.

JEZ:
Now, now, Mel. Let’s not go there. Sookie, what’s better: sex or chocolate?

SOOK:
What brand of chocolate?

JEZ:
Hah! Would you say that Pam is your friend?

SOOK:
Ahhhh . . . yes, I sort of think so.

JEZ:
That’s sort of good. You’ve had your fair share of pain, from the death of your grandmother to Bill’s horrific betrayal. Is it true that whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? Or is that basically [BLEEP], and pain really and truly sucks?

SOOK:
Pain is awful, but you do get tougher.

JEZ:
Do you think there’s a Grand Plan at work?

SOOK:
I don’t know about the Grand Plan. A lot of people believe in that. I just take one day at a time and try to survive it.

JEZ:
Sounds like words to live by. So, in any of the Southern Vampire Mysteries series, were there any parts of the story where you were like, Charlaine, sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

SOOK:
I’m practically her right hand. She’d be nowhere without me!

JEZ:
[BURSTS OUT LAUGHING]

SOOK:
We get along great.

JEZ:
If you had your way, what would you change about any of the books?

SOOK:
I am kind of tired of getting beat up. [SIGHS] I wish I had better medical insurance.

JEZ:
If you had the opportunity to give up your mind reading, would you?

SOOK:
In a New York minute.

JEZ:
Sookie, are you happy?

SOOK:
Most days, I am. Some days it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed. But I’m really a lucky person, when you think of all the good in my life.

JEZ:
Deathmatch between Eric and Quinn. Who wins?

SOOK:
Eric.

JEZ:
So the lady doesn’t pick the tiger! Ooh. Normally, at this point I ask people about what happens if their books go Hollywood. But something’s already in the works for you, isn’t it?

SOOK:
I hear they’re making a TV show about me.

JEZ:
They sure are. TRUE BLOOD, on HBO. Rumor has it, it kicks off on September 7, 2008.

SOOK:
Watch it and tell me how I come off, will you? I don’t want to look like an idiot.

JEZ:
Sweetie, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.

SOOK:
That Alan Ball is real talented, but I can’t help but worry.

JEZ:
Nothing a couple shots of Jager won’t fix. Finally, if you could be evil for one day, and not worry about the state of your immortal soul, what would you use your powers for?

SOOK:
I would tell everyone what I thought of THEM. I know what they think of ME.

JEZ:
A fitting evil deed indeed!

Avid fans, once again give it up for the star of Charlaine Harris’s bestselling Southern Vampire Mysteries series, the fabulous Sookie Stackhouse!

[No, this isn’t Sookie. But it is her Dear Creator, Charlaine Harris.]

[APPLAUSE]

The Southern Vampire Mysteries include:

DEAD UNTIL DARK
LIVING DEAD IN DALLAS
CLUB DEAD
DEAD TO THE WORLD
DEAD AS A DOORNAIL
DEFINITELY DEAD
ALL TOGETHER DEAD
And FROM DEAD TO WORSE, which hits the shelves on May 6, 2008.

You can get the Southern Vampire Mysteries at Mysterious Galaxy and other BookSense stores, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and fine bookstores near you.

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse! Until next time, remember: love your inner demon.