JEZEBEL:
Heya, Avid Fans! Welcome once again to Cat and Muse, the only Internet talk-radio show that’s run completely by fictional characters! I’m your host, the former demon Jezebel, coming at you live from the depths of Jackie Kessler’s website. With me, as always, is the cliché-speaking, pop-culture-referencing producer of Cat and Muse…the Muse of Tragedy, Melpomene!

[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
YO:

JEZ:
Our next guest on Cat and Muse knows all about backstabbing, lies, and the power of sex. No, she’s not a politician…she’s an A-list actress! Booklist says “Marr’s second novel is frothy, gossipy fun for US and People magazine addicts.” And Publishers Weekly calls the book a “ripsnorter sequel to Hollywood Girls Club [that] revolves around sex and plastic surgery secrets,” and says that “Marr’s prose is fast and sharp, and she keeps the plots flying.”

Heh, they had me at “sex.” Avid Fans, give a hotter than hot welcome to the star of Maggie Marr’s SECRETS OF THE HOLLYWOOD GIRLS CLUB…the delectable Celeste “Cici” Solange!

[APPLAUSE]

Heya, Cici!

CICI:
[BLOWS A KISS]

JEZ:
So you’re effectively living the good life. Entourage meets Sex and the City. What could be bad about that?

CICI:
Well, of course, it’s this horrible little sex tape that my ex-husband somehow let get out.

JEZ:
Still waiting for the bad part.

CICI:
Now I’m being threatened with its release.

JEZ:
Um…yeah, I got that. So, what’s on it? [WAGGLES EYE BROWS] Is it dirtier than two nuns mud wrestling in the nude?

CICI:
[BLUSHES] It’s something that could absolutely destroy my career. 


JEZ:
Ooh. Seriously? Yum!

CICI:
[SNORTS] Lydia and Jessica want me to tell Ted about the sex tape. Please! Like I’m going to tell him I made a sex tape?

JEZ:
[GLANCES AT CUE CARDS] Okay that would be the Lydia who holds the top spot at Worldwide Pictures, and uber-agent Jessica, who runs a boutique management company. And Ted is Ted Robinoff, your lover and the owner of Worldwide Pictures. [PUSHES CARDS ASIDE] Ted. Growl! So, tell us more about Ted. Who’s on top?

CICI:
I’m on top.

JEZ:
Of course you are, sweetie. You’ve had experience making amateur sex films. Any other favorite positions?

CICI:
I love it from behind…doggy style.


MEL:
WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?

JEZ:
What’s your romantic fantasy? Don’t worry. It’s just us girls. You can be as graphic as you want. In fact, I insist.

CICI:
I have to say Ted’s beach house in Fiji is a dream come true.

JEZ:
A house, huh?

CICI:
I hardly wear clothes. And lucky for me, he doesn’t mind.

JEZ:
Gotcha. Which is better: sex or chocolate?


CICI:
Sex.

JEZ:
So when everything you’ve worked so hard for isn’t about to be destroyed thanks to the antics of a bitter former spouse, are you living the good life?

CICI:
[NODS ENTHUSIASTICALLY] The shopping, the shoes, the mani-pedi once a week, the pilates and yoga…plus my personal trainer…

JEZ:
Heh, is that what the kids are calling it these days?

CICI:
The house in Bel Aire, the premieres and parties, and, of course, the films. Really, what’s not to love?

JEZ:
Not to mention the clothes.

CICI:
I adore Vivienne Westwood and Prada. And my Ferragamo shoes…I could spend more than most third-world countries on my shoes. 


JEZ:
Ooh, I love it when guests are honest about their vices! So, in SECRETS OF THE HOLLYWOOD GIRLS CLUB, were there any parts of the story where you were like, Maggie, sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

CICI:
We were in sync. But I would have killed Nathan…or had him killed.

JEZ:
That would be the former spouse, I take it?

CICI:
I mean, come on, he appears on scene with a sex tape of me? Please. He should die. Slowly and painfully. 
 


JEZ:
Mel, you might want to schedule a follow-up with Cici in about three to six, give her time to act on her impulses.

MEL:
[NODS] PRIOR PLANNING PREVENTS PISS-POOR PERFORMANCE.

JEZ:
Er, not that we’re actively advocating murder, Cici. Or death in general. Or doom. Or destruction. [PAUSES] Bless me, I think I just came in my panties.

MEL:
[SHAKES HEAD SADLY]

JEZ:
Cici, if you had your way, what would you change about SECRETS OF THE HOLLYWOOD GIRLS CLUB?

CICI:
Of course, the entire book should be about me. I love Lydia and Jessica and Mary Anne, but I am a star.

JEZ:
Mary Anne would be the most in-demand screenwriter in Tinseltown. Also the most overlooked character on Gilligan’s Island.

CICI:
I have more than enough material to fill the entire book. [SIGHS] Ensemble casts…well, I don’t think I need that much support.

JEZ:
Ah, the horrors of being a celebrity. If you could make Maggie do anything, what would it be?


CICI:
Drop twenty pounds, get a haircut, and buy some decent clothes. [ARCHES EYEBROW] Really, Maggie…the jammies and sweat pants have to go. 


JEZ:
Yeah, good luck with that. If your Dear Creator is anything like mine, then it’s a losing battle. [SNICKERS AT COMPUTER SCREEN] Tell me one thing in the real world that you wish you could change.


CICI:
Of course, the violence. No more killing, and wars.

MEL:
MAKE LOVE NOT WAR.

CICI:
Except for Nathan. He should die. 


JEZ:
[BURSTS OUT LAUGHING]

MEL:
CAN’T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS.

JEZ:
Mel, sweetie, some people just deserve to be pushing daisies. Cici, if SECRETS OF THE HOLLYWOOD GIRLS CLUB goes, appropriately enough, Hollywood, who should play you in the movie? 


CICI:
Well, if I’m unavailable to play myself, or they won’t meet my quote…I think Jessica Biehl.

JEZ:
Nice. What about the rest of the Hollywood Girls Club, Jessica and Mary Anne?

CICI:
Jada Pinkett Smith would be brilliant as Lydia. Jessica could be played by Carla Gugino. And Bridget Moynihan is the perfect Mary Anne Meyers.

JEZ:
Finally, if you could be evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

CICI:
Hmm…evil powers…I think I’d like to have mind control so that everyone does my bidding.

JEZ:
[NODS] That’s a good one. Er, evil one.

CICI:
[SMILES] Then I’d have Nathan jump off a bridge.

JEZ:
Hah! Brilliant!

Boys and girls, once again, give a huge round of applause for the star of Maggie Marr’s latest novel, SECRETS OF THE HOLLYWOOD GIRLS CLUB…Celeste “Cici” Solange!

[APPLAUSE]

[No, this isn’t Cici. But it is her Dear Creator, Maggie Marr.]

You can purchase THE HOLLYWOOD GIRLS CLUB and its sequel, SECRETS OF THE HOLLYWOOD GIRLS CLUB, at Barnes and Noble, Booksense book stores, Amazon, and other terrific book stores near you.

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse! Until next time, remember: love your inner demon.