JEZEBEL:
Heya, Avid Fans! Welcome once again to Cat and Muse, the only Internet talk-radio show (that we know of) run completely by fictional characters! I’m your host, the former demon Jezebel, coming at you live from the sordid depths of Jackie Kessler’s website.

Normally, the producer of Cat and Muse is with me as well. But given that she’s also the Muse of Tragedy, she’s taken some time off from the studio here to go hang out on Wall Street. So it’s just me today. That’s OK—I love the intimacy.

Today’s guest is mad as hell, and she’s not going to take it anymore. Hee! Makes me all giddy just thinking about it. Kate Jacobs, New York Times bestselling author of The Friday Night Knitting Club, says that “Joanne Rendell has created a quick, fun read about a wonderful group of friends.” Boys and girls, give a hot round of applause to one of the titular stars of Joanne Rendell’s THE PROFESSORS’ WIVES’ CLUB…Sofia!

[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Sofia!

SOFIA:
[WAVES HELLO]

JEZ:
Before we begin, I have to say that I love your outfit! Cowboy boots, jeans, the floating Indian blouse…lovely!

SOF:
And it covers my post-baby belly!

JEZ:
Heh. [GLANCES AT CUE CARDS] According to my notes, you used to be a high-flying talent agent in Hollywood. And you gave it all up…why, exactly?

SOF:
To be a stay-at-home mom.

JEZ:
See, I can’t relate to that. Then again, I think that kids basically look like animated M&Ms.

SOF:
[LAUGHS] Problem is, I’m not very domestic or maternal.

JEZ:
Stop me if I’m wrong, but those could be big issues for a stay-at-home mom, yeah?

SOF:
[NODS] And I’m beginning to get a little frustrated being home all day.

JEZ:
Mmm. You know, there’s a big market out there for female entrepreneurs. Internet stripping. Just throwing that out there for you.

So in THE PROFESSORS’ WIVES’ CLUB, four professors’ wives, you included, do battle with a dean when he threatens to demolish a faculty garden. What’s the big deal about a shrubbery?

SOF:
[SIGHS DREAMILY] The beautiful faculty garden is my one little refuge.

JEZ:
Got it.

SOF:
So I’m taking on the mean dean just a couple of weeks after giving birth to my second child.

JEZ:
[GRINS] Sweetie, you know the phrase is “No rest for the wicked,” not “for the righteous,” don’t you?

SOF:
[LAUGHS] I’m up for it! I’m the woman who gives birth watching Terminator movies!

JEZ:
Heh.

SOF:
I’m an expert dealing with megalomaniacs—thanks, movie business—and if this dean thinks he’s going to get away with his plan to replace the garden with a parking lot, he’s got another thing coming.

JEZ:
So…your husband. Details!

SOF:
[SMILES] He’s a little bit of an Edgar Allan Poe geek. That’s what he teaches at the university. But he’s sweet and kind.

JEZ:
Nice.

SOF:
And also very good looking under those smudged spectacles and academic corduroy jackets.

JEZ:
Now we’re talking! Who’s on top?

SOF:
[LAUGHS] I used to be a cutthroat, kick-ass Hollywood talent agent. My husband is a nerdy academic. Pretty obvious who’d be on top, right?

JEZ:
Noted! What’s your romantic fantasy?

SOF:
A night with no children in the house would be a great start.

JEZ:
Heh. Which is better: sex or chocolate?

SOF:
Sex. If and when I can ever find the time.

JEZ:
Awww. Poor sweetie.

SOF:
And also, there must be contraception involved. Right now, with a two year old and a newborn in the house, the thought of getting pregnant again makes me feel a little ill.

JEZ:
[PATS SOFIA’S HAND] There are lots of options out there. Including a lovely vasectomy for him. So, in THE PROFESSORS’ WIVES’ CLUB, were there any parts of the story where you were like, Joanne, sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

SOF:
You might think that I’d be saying, “Joanne, why on earth did you make me give birth watching Terminator movies?” as that’s what I do in one scene of the novel. It sounds so implausible, no? But I hear it is what Joanne did herself.

JEZ:
Write what you know, eh? Well then, if you had your way, what would you change about THE PROFESSORS’ WIVES’ CLUB?

SOF:
I’d make it all about me, instead of having all those other chapters about three other women!

JEZ:
[BURSTS OUT LAUGHING]

SOF:
Only kidding, of course. Hannah, Ashleigh, and Mary rock.

JEZ:
Of course they do. If you could make Joanne do anything, what would it be?

SOF:
Stop checking her email and get on with her writing.

JEZ:
Yeah, good luck with that one. If my own Dear Creator is anything to go by, you’d be more likely to have vegan wolf down a Philly cheesesteak than get her to stop checking email every five minutes.

SOF:
Also, she should stop picking out the M&Ms from the peanut, raisin, and M&M mix. Does she not realize all the goodness comes from the nuts and raisins? All the fat and sugar is from the dastardly M&Ms and will cling to her behind if she is not careful.

JEZ:
To be fair, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying dastardly food. [COUGHS] Tell me one thing in the real world that you wish you could change.

SOF:
Greed, over consumption, and the havoc we’re wreaking on our beautiful world—just so we can have another car, another new dress, another lump of plastic for our kids.

JEZ:
What about the publishing world?

SOF:
I hate the way books by women, for women, and about women are so often demeaned by the reviewing press. I’m so tired of reading reviews which label women’s fiction as “trash,” “fluff,” “formulaic,” or “hysterical.” Women do most of the reading and the book buying, and so it seems ridiculous that the books we write and love are debased in this way. I’d say it’s time to fight the power, ladies!

JEZ:
Represent! If THE PROFESSORS’ WIVES’ CLUB goes Hollywood, who should play you in the movie?

SOF:
Selma Hayek or Penelope Cruz should play me.

JEZ:
Ooh. Nice.

SOF:
I’m a firecracker with a good heart. I’m excruciatingly beautiful too!

JEZ:
Hee! And modest! What about the dean? Who should play him?

SOF:
Someone like Michael Douglas, Jeremy Irons, or Alan Rickman. Basically, a thinking-man’s bad guy. He must have charm and intellect. But lurking beneath is really nasty, Machiavellian, and self-interested streak.

JEZ:
Yum. I find evil men so incredibly sexy. Heh. but then, I’m rather biased. Finally, if you could be evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

SOF:
Bury Dean Jack Havemeyer in the faculty garden.

JEZ:
Heh. But is he still alive when you bury him?

SOF:
[GIGGLES] And perhaps also bury those book reviewers who ignore or who are snooty and sexist about women’s fiction!

JEZ:
Amen, sister.

Avid Fans, give another round of applause to one of the titular stars of Joanne Rendell’s THE PROFESSORS’ WIVES’ CLUB…Sofia!

[APPLAUSE]

[No, this isn't Sofia. But it is her Dear Creator, Joanne Rendell.]

You can buy THE PROFESSORS’ WIVES’ CLUB at Barnes and Noble, Borders, Powells, Target, your local independent bookseller, Amazon, and other terrific bookstores near you.

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse! Until next time, remember: love your inner demon.