JEZEBEL:
Heya, Avid Fans! Welcome once again to Cat and Muse, the only Internet talk-radio show run by and about fictional characters. I’m your host, the former demon Jezebel, coming at you live from the sordid depths of Jackie Kessler’s website. With me, as always, is the producer of Cat and Muse—the Muse of Tragedy, Melpomene!

[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
Our next guest on Cat and Muse has an appetite for sleuthing, as well as for fine cuisine. Midwest Book Review says that our guest is “strong, feisty and believable.” The Cozy Library has this to say: “Roberta Isleib knows how to balance the needs of readers who look for both a strong mystery element and a glimpse into the life of the main character.” And the Mystery Reader calls ASKING FOR MURDER “the best entry of this series to date.”

Boys and girls, give a huge round of applause for the star of Roberta Isleib’s Advice Column Mystery Series…Dr. Rebecca Butterman!

[APPLAUSE]

What’s up, doc?

REBECCA:
Hi, Jez! Thanks for having me over!

JEZ:
Thrilled you could join us! [GLANCES AT CUE CARDS] Your good friend, sandplay therapist Annabelle Hart, is beaten and left for dead. But she’s still alive, right?

REB:
[NODS] Annabelle’s in the ICU. And her bitchy sister tells the staff not to let me in to see her.

JEZ:
Uh oh.

REB:
I’m the one who found her! Why can’t she understand how much her friendship means?

MEL:
BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER.

JEZ:
So you take over her caseload of patients and look for clues to the attack. And I hear that along with all this, you’re having trouble with the police?

REB:
A police detective is pressuring me to release confidential information—and sharing nothing with me.

JEZ:
Sounds like a guy thing.

REB:
And then after I’m attacked, he hangs up on me!

JEZ:
Man, that sucks. Anything good about your situation?

REB:
I throw a dinner party in the middle of all this to try to figure out whether Annabelle’s new boyfriend could have beaten her up. He’s a horse’s [BLEEP].

JEZ:
See, when I think of “good,” I think of sex. Or maybe chocolate. I don’t think of dinner parties and [BLEEP] boyfriends.

REB:
The dinner is to die for! Spaghetti carbonara and red velvet cake…and lots of leftovers because everyone leaves early!

JEZ:
Heh. Everyone’s got their vices. [GLANCES AT CUE CARDS] So I hear you have this thing about golf…?

REB:
My author knows I despise golf—maybe I even have a golf phobia. But then she gives me a boyfriend whose idea of a great way to meet his parents is having the four of us play a round of golf.

JEZ:
Your beau doesn’t sound too self-aware.

REB:
[SIGHS] I could have told you that was going to end badly.

JEZ:
Speaking of self-interest…You and Detective Meigs. Who’s on top? Or are there other preferred positions?

REB:
My lips are sealed.

MEL:
PAY NO MIND TO WHAT THEY SAY—IT DOESN’T MATTER ANYWAY.

JEZ:
We are so not segueing into a musical number, especially one from the Go-Go’s. We’re on the romance portion of the interview. Rebecca, what’s your romantic fantasy?

REB:
Candles, one nice glass of wine, and the dinner I’ve made…maybe a nice roast chicken. With gravy. And mashed potatoes.

JEZ:
[BLINKS]

REB:
And some steamed haricots verts on the side…

JEZ:
Sweetie, when I said at the start of the show that I’m a former demon, I’m a former creature of Lust, not of Gluttony.

REB:
Oh, wait—you weren’t talking about that kind of fantasy!

JEZ:
Nope. I was talking nooky.

REB:
My lips are sealed.

JEZ:
Dang it.

MEL:
IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THEY SAY IN THE JEALOUS GAMES PEOPLE PLAY.

JEZ:
[TO MEL] There. Will. Be. No. Go-Go’s. Interlude.

MEL:
OUR LIPS ARE SEALED.

JEZ:
[GLARES AT MEL; TURNS BACK TO REBECCA] Which is better: sex or chocolate?

REB:
In my mind, there’s absolutely no reason to choose!

JEZ:
Couldn’t agree with you more. So, in ASKING FOR MURDER, were there any parts of the story where you were like, Roberta, sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

REB:
Just between us, Roberta’s a bit of chicken and not nearly curious enough to be a good detective.

JEZ:
[BURSTS OUT LAUGHING]

REB:
So I do that kind of thing for her.

JEZ:
Awesome. Tell me one thing in the real world that you wish you could change.

REB:
People in pain—all kinds of psychic and physical pain. I know that would be bad for my therapy business, but I’d change it if I could.

JEZ:
See, that’s damn selfless of you. Despite that, I still like you. If ASKING FOR MURDER goes Hollywood, who should play you in the movie? What about the others in the cast?

REB:
Sandra Bullock, with Reese Witherspoon as my friend. Tom Hanks as my ex-husband—then you’d understand why it’s been hard to get over him! For Detective Meigs, I’m still thinking…

JEZ:
Finally, if you could be evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

REB:
This is not really evil…but there are people who don’t seem to care about how they hurt others…I’d make them feel it.

JEZ:
[RUBS HANDS GLEEFULLY] Oh, sweetie, you have no idea how evil that can be. Well done!

Boys and girls, give another hotter than hot round of applause to the star of Roberta Isleib’s Advice Column Mystery Series…Dr. Rebecca Butterman!

[APPLAUSE]

[No, this isn't Doc Butterman. But it is her Dear Creator, Roberta Isleib.]

The Advice Column Mystery Series includes DEADLY ADVICE, PREACHING TO THE CORPSE, and the new ASKING FOR MURDER. You can get the Advice Column Mystery Series at Barnes and Noble, Borders, your favorite local independent bookseller, Amazon, and other fine bookstores near you.

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse! Until next time, remember: love your inner demon!