JEZEBEL:
Heya, Avid Fans! Welcome once again to Cat and Muse, the only Internet talk-radio show run by, for, and about fictional characters. I’m your host, the former demon Jezebel, coming at you live from the sordid depths of Jackie Kessler’s website. With me, as always, is the lovely, lamentable Muse of Tragedy…Melpomene!

[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
Our next guest on Cat and Muse is a superheroine with a weakness for coffee, stating that “lattes keep the Elite Hands of Justice running.” Heh. Bestselling author Julie Kenner says: “PHENOMENAL GIRL 5 kept me up late turning pages. Kudos to debut author A.J. Menden for creating a fully realized superhero world with a well-rounded cast of characters complimented by a sharp-witted narrator that you can’t help but want to spend time with.” And ParaNormal Romance exclaims: “PHENOMENAL GIRL 5 is a stunning debut—a definite keeper—highly recommended!”

Boys and girls, give a hotter than hot welcome to the star of A.J. Menden’s PHENOMENAL GIRL 5…the titular heroine, Lainey Livingston!

[APPLAUSE]

Heya, Lainey!

LAINEY:
Hey, everybody!

JEZ:
Ooh—nice costume.

LAINEY:
[SMILES] I wear a lot of black. My partner likes to make fun of that, actually.

JEZ:
Your partner’s just jealous. Love the leather pants and vest. And the black gloves are made of awesome.

LAINEY:
Hey, I’m more covered up than most of the female heroes! I wouldn’t be caught dead in some of the lingerie-type get-ups they claim are “costumes.”

JEZ:
Heh, trust me, those lingerie-type costumes are better suited for stripping on stage. [GLANCES AT CUE CARDS] So, in PHENOMENAL GIRL 5, a young superhero finds leaping tall buildings is easier than falling in love. What’s so difficult about falling in love? I know some people who do that all the time.

LAINEY:
It’s probably not a good idea to fall in love with the older guy who’s supposed to be training you.

JEZ:
Ooh. Older, and experienced! Sounds yummy! Tell me more. Who is he?

LAINEY:
The Reincarnist is an ancient magic-user who doesn’t die and instead is “reborn” as a 20-year-old each life.

MEL:
NEVERENDING LOVE.

JEZ:
[BLINKS] What’s so bad about that?

LAINEY:
Well, I have a bit of a problem. God, this is so embarrassing. [BLUSHES] As if I didn’t live through this humiliation in high school.

JEZ:
It’s okay, sweetie. You can tell us. Just speak clearly into the microphone.

LAINEY:
The thing is, I have super-strength, right?

JEZ:
Right…

LAINEY:
Well, I was informed by my health teacher that I’d have to watch myself in…um…intimate situations. So I don’t accidentally hurt someone in the heat of the moment.

JEZ:
[BURSTS OUT LAUGHING]

MEL:
[SINGS] I NEVER MEANT TO BE SO BAD TO YOU…

JEZ:
Ah, the Asia musical interlude. Nicely done, Muse. [COUGHS] Lainey, I’m sure it can’t be that bad, can it? I mean, you’re a superhero!

LAINEY:
[SMILES] And I get to save the day in the company of a hot guy.

JEZ:
Exactly!

LAINEY:
[GRINS] How is that not fun?

JEZ:
Right-o! Being a superhero must be pretty damn terrific.

LAINEY:
[SNORTS] I go around fighting crazy people wearing tights on a daily basis. And finding out you’re a part of an apocalypse spell that a villain is casting is never good, especially when it’s in your job description to be SAVING the world.

JEZ:
Ah. Yeah, I can see that.

LAINEY:
And I end up having to take care of correspondence and such for The Reincarnist because he’s too lazy to do it himself.

JEZ:
Um.

LAINEY:
[SNIFFS] And he’s anti-social. The only time the man drags himself out of the house is for patrol.

JEZ:
This is the guy you’re crazy for, huh? Poor sweetie. What’s your romantic fantasy?

LAINEY:
[SMILES] Probably that I WOULDN’T have super-strength for a night, just so I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting someone in the heat of the moment.

JEZ:
Aw.

LAINEY:
Hey. Wait a minute. I’m with the most powerful magic-user today. Surely there’s a spell that can take care of that…

JEZ:
You’d think so. Let’s say you and the Reincarnist get this little wrinkle smoothed out, and you go on to have a super sex life. Which is better: sex or chocolate?

LAINEY:
[GRINS] I’m with a guy that’s been around since the dawn of time that has definitely perfected a few things. What do you think?

JEZ:
I’m thinking you won’t be walking, let alone flying, for the better part of a week.

LAINEY:
[LAUGHS]

JEZ:
So, in PHENOMENAL GIRL 5, were there any parts of the story where you were like, A.J., sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

LAINEY:
Um, yeah! She likes to act like she’s not a Cruel God and doesn’t torture us, but she does!

JEZ:
Yeah, Creators seem to thrive on that. [GLARES AT COMPUTER SCREEN] Kessler, I’m talking to you.

LAINEY:
How else can you explain what happens to me and the Reincarnist after our battle with Jihad? I mean, we both…

[LIGHTS FLASH; BOOMING VOICE SCREECHES: “SPOILALERT! SPOILALERT!”]

JEZ:
[LOOKS AROUND] What the Hell is that?

MEL:
ART AT ITS MOST SIGNIFICANT IS A DISTANT EARLY WARNING SYSTEM THAT CAN ALWAYS BE RELIED ON TO TELL THE OLD CULTURE WHAT IS BEGINNING TO HAPPEN TO IT.

JEZ:
Don’t go quoting Marshall McLuhan to me. I just want to…wait. We have a Spoiler Early Warning System?

MEL:
[NODS]

JEZ:
And you DIDN’T TELL ME? Where’s the love? Where’s the trust?

MEL:
[SHRUGS]

JEZ:
Humph. Well then, Lainey, keeping spoilers in mind, if you had your way, what would you change about PHENOMENAL GIRL 5?

LAINEY:
That we could always save the day and no one would get hurt. [SIGHS] But it doesn’t work like that in real life, and it doesn’t in our world either.

JEZ:
Sad but true. If you could make A.J. do anything, what would it be?

LAINEY:
Have everything turn out all right with the “Darklight.”

[LIGHTS FLASH]

JEZ:
Uh oh.

LAINEY:
[NARROWS EYES AT COMPUTER SCREEN] What? Come on, A.J.! I worded that as spoiler-free as I could!

JEZ:
Moving away from spoiler alerts, tell me one thing in the real world that you wish you could change.

LAINEY:
That there would be more heroes in the world—people that step up and do the right thing no matter what the cost.

JEZ:
Nice. If PHENOMENAL GIRL 5 goes Hollywood, who should play you in the movie?

LAINEY:
Definitely Whitney from America’s Next Top Model should play me. She’s not a stick figure like most of the women out in Hollywood, and I’m not either.

JEZ:
What about the Reincarnist?

LAINEY:
Um, Robert Elliot, The Reincarnist, should be played by Vincent D’Onofrio.

JEZ:
Sweet. Finally, if you could be evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

LAINEY:
Yikes.

JEZ:
Go on. Have some fun. Pretend you’re evil…

LAINEY:
The Reincarnist says I’m too idealistic, and I have to be careful that my idealism doesn’t turn to evil in my attempt to make the world safe. But I’m not the take-over-the-world type.

JEZ:
[GRINS] Well, there’s always hope.

Avid Fans, give another hotter than hot round of applause for the star of A.J. Menden’s upcoming PHENOMENAL GIRL 5…Lainey Livingston!

[No, this isn't Lainey. But it is her alter ego, A.J. Menden.]

[APPLAUSE]

PHENOMENAL GIRL 5 will officially hit the shelves on October 28. You can buy the book from Barnes and Noble, Borders, Mysterious Galaxy and other independent booksellers, Amazon, and other fine bookstores near you.

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse! Until next time, remember: love your inner demon. And superhero.