JEZEBEL:
Heya, Avid Fans! Welcome once again to Cat and Muse, the only Internet talk-radio show run completely by and about fictional characters. I’m your host, the former demon Jezebel, coming at you live from the sordid depths of Jackie Kessler’s website. With me, as always, is the producer of Cat and Muse—the cliché-speaking, pop-culture-referencing Muse of Tragedy…Melpomene!

[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
Our next guest on Cat and Muse is the latest superstar from C.E. Murphy, bestselling author of both urban and historical fantasy novels, including The Walker Papers series, The Negotiator Trilogy and The Inheritors’ Cycle. Boys and girls, give a hotter than hot welcome to the star the new comic book miniseries, TAKE A CHANCE…the titular heroine, Chance!

[APPLAUSE]

Heya, Chance!

CHANCE:
Hello. You know, I’m not actually accustomed to being in the limelight. It’s sort of anti-’dangerous night-time hero’.

JEZ:
You’ll do fine, sweetie. So, you were a vigilante in a world without superheroes. [SCANS CUE CARDS] And now you’re a vigilante in a world WITH superheroes.

CHANCE:
Frankly, it was easier in the old days.

JEZ:
Heh, I bet.

CHANCE:
I’ve been flying under the radar for years. One vigilante’s not much, as far as the cops are concerned. But now with superpowered people coming out of the woodwork, a lot of them are trying to be heroes, and it’s shining a big fat light on the work I’m trying to do. [SIGHS] That’s a major problem throughout the whole series.

JEZ:
I’m sure. What about the first issue in particular, “City of Heroes”? Any problems there?

CHANCE:
Well, there’s the minor detail that my son’s murderer has gotten superpowers and broken out of jail.

JEZ:
Ouch. Yeah, that sucks. What keeps you putting the mask on and doing what you do?

MEL:
THAT VOODOO THAT YOU DO SO WELL.

CHANCE:
I’m making a difference. Maybe only to a few people, but that’s what I came out here to do in the first place. If I can help one kid get off the streets, or throw one dealer into jail, that’s a lot.

JEZ:
Good to have goals.

CHANCE:
Also, I look fantastically sexy in my costume, which is a definite win.

JEZ:
Damn straight! I’ve been admiring the coat. Is this your standard outfit?

CHANCE:
[NODS] My work clothes. A fitted leather jerkin, tight leather pants, and an utterly kick-ass ankle-length sleeveless leather coat.

JEZ:
[WIPES AWAY DROOL] Utterly.

CHANCE:
And a mask.

JEZ:
Accessories do pull the whole ensemble together, don’t they? Okay, spill. You and your pillow partner. Who’s on top?

CHANCE:
[SMILES] I feel like I should say something coy and revealing, like, “Well, as a woman who spends her nights patrolling the city and fighting bad guys, I like a man who’ll take control in bed and let me be the sweet, soft, seduced feminine thing that my heart longs to be.”

JEZ:
Uh huh. And in real life?

CHANCE:
Truth is, as a woman who spends her night patrolling the city and fighting bad guys, I haven’t gotten laid in so long that I don’t even REMEMBER who should be on top.

MEL:
LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES.

JEZ:
[CHUCKLES] Poor sweetie. Well then, what’s your romantic fantasy? Don’t worry. It’s just us girls. You can be as graphic as you want. In fact, I insist.

CHANCE:
I’m suspicious of your “It’s just us girls” disclaimer.

JEZ:
Suspicious of little ol’ former soul-sucking demon moi?

CHANCE:
What, you have soundwaves that only reverberate off female eardrums?

JEZ:
[COUGHS] Of course we do.

CHANCE:
Can you get me a gun that shoots those? Because I’m a comic book heroine, and that kind of toy would probably come in handy someday.

JEZ:
Heh. It’s a special order at The Sharper Image. I’ll see if I can hook you up. But I can’t help but notice you didn’t answer the question.

CHANCE:
You know…bizarre as it sounds, I’m not sure I’ve got a romantic fantasy.

JEZ:
[EXCHANGES LOOK WITH MELPOMENE] Denial.

MEL:
[NODS] METHINKS THE LADY DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH.

CHANCE:
I’m not looking for somebody to sweep me off my feet and take me away from all this. I chose this path, after all, and if I want off, I know where the exits are.

JEZ:
Sure, and you can always get a battery-operated toy if that’s your pleasure. But really? No one to cuddle with late at night—or early morning—after a hard night of crime-fighting?

CHANCE:
I guess it’d be great to have somebody to come home to. But realistically, would you want to be involved with a vigilante?

JEZ:
Sweetie, I’m happy to be involved with anyone, as long as he’s breathing. And even that’s a case-by-case basis. But you don’t think being with a vigilante is the way to go?

CHANCE:
It’s like being married to a cop, only more psychotic.

JEZ:
Wait—who’s the vigilante here, you or your fantasy lover?

CHANCE:
[COUGHS] I guess I’ve been so much about this job for the last five years, that I haven’t stopped to look at other aspects of a so-called life.

JEZ:
FIVE YEARS? Oh, you poor girl.

CHANCE:
My friend Nila tells me that all the time. I’d never leave the house except to fight crime if it weren’t for her. She brings me out to gay bars and we get hammered.

JEZ:
Heh. And if you went out to straight bars, you’d probably get laid. But whatever.

CHANCE:
[LAUGHS] An excellent point. Right, I’m representing a really well-balanced life here, aren’t I. Next question?

JEZ:
Which is better: sex or chocolate?

CHANCE:
Well, I HAVE a lot more chocolate….

JEZ:
Fair enough. So, in the first issue of TAKE A CHANCE, “City of Heroes,” were there any parts of the story where you were like, C.E., sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

CHANCE:
You know, we were pretty much hand in hand, or foot in mouth, or something on this project. I basically came to her, story arc in hand, and she hasn’t messed it up so far.

JEZ:
Nice. If you had your way, what would you change about TAKE A CHANCE?

CHANCE:
Well, not the art, which is terrific. I might change the budget, because it turns out starring in your own comic book is a pretty expensive proposition, and I’m no Bruce Wayne or Warren Worthington. [LAUGHS] It’s easier to be a hero when you’ve got billions to spend.

JEZ:
Yum, billionaires!

CHANCE:
Ooh, hey. Maybe I’d add a gadget man. Is Morgan Freeman busy?

JEZ:
[BURSTS OUT LAUGHING]

MEL:
I’M NOT ONE FOR BLASPHEMING—BUT THAT ONE MADE ME LAUGH.

JEZ:
If you could make C.E. do anything, what would it be?

CHANCE:
More sit-ups. That woman’s abs are pathetic. But have you seen mine? [POINTS TO BARE MID-RIFF]

JEZ:
Sweetie, your abs should have their own soundtrack, they’re so awesome. Tell me one thing in the real world that you wish you could change.

CHANCE:
If I could make one sweeping global change, I think I’d probably re-align government and individual attitudes to emphasize the importance of education. I think ignorance is essentially the root of all evil, and that education is its nemesis.

JEZ:
I know evil, and I heartily agree that ignorance feeds evil. If TAKE A CHANCE goes Hollywood, who should play you in the movie?

CHANCE:
Jessica Biel, although if Angelina Jolie wanted to sign up to play me I wouldn’t exactly object.

JEZ:
And I’m sure there are many out there who’d love to see the two of them duke it out for the role. Especially in mud.

CHANCE:
I’d pay my dollar for that, yeah. Either of them would look fantastic in my costume, although Angelina’d need to put some weight and muscle back on.

JEZ:
Who else would round out the cast?

CHANCE:
Superpowered Trent McAllister, AKA Tazer, would be played by a platinum blond Adrian Brody. Rawr.

JEZ:
Nice!

CHANCE:
Why, thank you. And Detective Darius Murkowski would be Taye Diggs. And then we’re right back to that romantic fantasy up there, aren’t we? [FANS SELF]

JEZ:
That’s what I’m talking about. [WINKS]

CHANCE:
I’d like to talk a little about the whole TAKE A CHANCE project that brought me to life.

JEZ:
The mic’s all yours, sweetie.

CHANCE:
It’s something my creator, C.E. Murphy, has been working on as an down-time project for over five years, and after all that time, I’m finally seeing the light of day this December. Which is pretty cool.

JEZ:
[NODS] That also explains why you haven’t gotten laid in five years.

CHANCE:
[SNORTS] I’m trying not to think about that. Do you have to keep reminding me? Anyway, with regards to the comic (rather than my sexy life), the part I like best is that she’s using the first issue to try to make a difference, herself. Fifty percent of the proceeds she makes from “City of Heroes” will go to the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund, and ten percent of the proceeds she makes on the first graphic novel will also go to the CBLDF.

JEZ:
Altruism amidst the capitalism. Me likey.

CHANCE:
Thanks. It’s not quite going out in tight leather and fighting crime, but not everybody can be an actual superhero.

JEZ:
Or look good in the costumes. [GLANCES AT COMPUTER SCREEN] Kessler, I’m talking about you! Get off your duff and exercise!

MEL:
FAT BOTTOMED GIRL.

JACKIE:
[OFF CAMERA] I’m right HERE, you know!

JEZ:
So, Chance, final question. If you could be evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

CHANCE:
Are you kidding? I’m out here busting my ass to DEFEAT people with spiffy evil powers, and you want to give them to me?

JEZ:
Yeppers.

CHANCE:
Okay, in that case, I want planetary-scale telepathy, and I’d just rewire all the bad guys’ brains so they’d go home and take up knitting instead of world domination.

JEZ:
Bending others to your will. Nice one!

CHANCE:
Except then I’d be out of a job, and I’d have to take a good hard look at the mess that I call a life….

JEZ:
[GRINS] And then you’d have time to get laid.

Avid fans, give a standing ovation to the titular star of C.E. Murphy’s comic book series TAKE A CHANCE…Chance!

[APPLAUSE]

[No, this isn't Chance. But it is her Dear Creator, C.E. Murphy.]

C.E. Murphy’s TAKE A CHANCE is a five-issue mini-series starting this December. The series features Ardian Syaf (The Dresden Files) on pencils, colorist Jason Embury (Hero By Night, Shadowhawk), letterer Melissa S. Kaercher (Dr. Blink, Superhero Shrink) and cover artist Scott Clark (X-Men, Stormwatch).

That’s it for this issue of Cat and Muse! Until next time, love your inner demon.