JEZEBEL:
Heya, Avid Fans! Welcome once again to Cat and Muse, the only Internet talk-radio show run completely by and about fictional characters. I’m your host, the former demon Jezebel, coming at you live from the sordid depths of Jackie Kessler’s website. With me, as always, is the producer of Cat and Muse—the cliché-speaking, pop-culture-referencing Muse of Tragedy…Melpomene!

[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
It’s time for something a little different on Cat and Muse: a twofer! Almost as much fun as a threesome.

MEL:
THREE IS COMPANY TOO.

JEZ:
Our next guests, plural, will be the first to tell you that superheroes can mean super ratings on television, especially when it’s reality TV. Publishers Weekly declares: “this fast-paced and sardonic story will appeal to comic book aficionados and heroic fantasy fans alike.”

Mmm. Men in spandex. I’m all over that. Avid Fans, give a hotter than hot welcome to two of the stars of the new incarnation of George R.R. Martin’s shared world of WILD CARDS….from INSIDE STRAIGHT, Carrie Vaughn’s characters, Curveball and Earth Witch!

[APPLAUSE]

Heya, ladies!

CURVEBALL:
Hi. Thanks for having us.

EARTH WITCH:
We’re looking forward to this. We’ve never had such interesting interviewers before.

JEZ:
And I’ve never had two women at once. [SMILES INNOCENTLY] So from what I understand, you operate in a world that’s had superheroes—legitimate, card-carrying superheroes—since 1946. What could possibly be bad about that?

CURVEBALL:
Oh my God, where to start?

JEZ:
Heh, this is going to be good.

CURVEBALL:
I know a lot of people signed on for American Hero— that’s the reality TV show we were on—thinking it was their big break, that they’d get their foot in the door in Hollywood and become big movie stars or something. Never mind that that hardly ever happens.

JEZ:
[NODS] Not without signing certain documents in blood. Usually.

CURVEBALL:
They wanted the all the publicity. [PAUSES MEANINGFULLY] But some of us really wanted to make a difference. We really wanted to learn to use our powers, and find a way to help people.

JEZ:
That sounds, well, you know. Superheroish. Altruistic. All that good stuff. So what went wrong?

CURVEBALL:
[ROLLS EYES] It turned into a big huge soap opera. People seemed to be more interested in who everybody’s sleeping with than what we can actually do.

JEZ:
[PERKS UP] Well, ain’t nothing wrong with superheroes having sex. A lot. Ideally, on camera.

CURVEBALL:
Maxim magazine ran a pool to see who I’d end up sleeping with by the end of American Hero. [SNORTS] There I am, blowing [BLEEP] up left and right, and the one thing people want to know is who I’m sleeping with.

EARTH WITCH:
[NODS] Even after we stopped a genocide in Egypt, the press is still mostly interested in who’s sleeping with whom.

MEL:
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW.

EARTH WITCH:
There was also a pool going to see who Drummer Boy WOULDN’T sleep with.

JEZ:
Bless me, I’ve GOT to start watching this show.

CURVEBALL:
[SMILES] I’m happy to say that in my case, they all lost. The guy I ended up with wasn’t even a contestant on the show.

JEZ:
Hah! Okay, Earth Witch, your turn. Was the show a good experience, or not so warm and fuzzy?

EARTH WITCH:
The show turned out to be my big break, even though I wasn’t looking for it.

JEZ:
Are we still talking about all the super sex?

EARTH WITCH:
[SMILES] Sorry, no. My brother signed me up for the show behind my back. If it weren’t for him, I’d still be digging wells in New Mexico. That’s my power—I dig holes with my mind.

JEZ:
You must piss off a lot of unionized gravediggers.

EARTH WITCH:
[LAUGHS] Actually, I can do a lot more than that, and it was being on the show that taught me that. So I hate to complain.

JEZ:
But?

EARTH WITCH:
[SIGHS] But getting shot—that was pretty bad.

JEZ:
Yeah. I hate it when that happens. [GLARES AT COMPUTER SCREEN] Hear me, Kessler? I don’t want to get shot again!

MEL:
ENDED WITH A BANG.

JEZ:
The perils of reality television aside, there had to be something good about doing the show…

CURVEBALL:
[SMILES] I’ve made a lot of friends. When you have the wild card virus, even if you’re an ace, it makes you kind of a freak. You’re always going to be different.

JEZ:
“Ace”—that’s code for superhero, right?

CURVEBALL:
[NODS] I didn’t want to be the kind of ace who just uses my power for party tricks.

EARTH WITCH:
[GRINS] I don’t know—when you can throw things and make them blow up, that’s a pretty good party trick.

CURVEBALL:
But then you’re always stuck cleaning up ’cause you made the mess.

JEZ:
[LAUGHS] Yeah, there’s always a downside. What about you, Earth Witch? Are you in this for the party tricks, or is there something else?

EARTH WITCH:
I’d have to say the best thing for me has been getting out of my hometown, meeting lots of people, and learning how to use my power.

JEZ:
Nice.

EARTH WITCH:
[WINKS] And we have a guy whose superpower is to make people spontaneously orgasm.

JEZ:
[BURSTS OUT LAUGHING]

MEL:
[FROWNS] THE GIRL’S A SUPER FREAK.

JEZ:
What? It was funny.

MEL:
[SNIFFS]

JEZ:
Don’t mind the Muse, she’s just uptight. Okay, ladies. Let’s talk superhero fashion. I have to admit, I thought you’d be more about the capes and less about the tee-shirts.

MEL:
NO CAPES!

CURVEBALL:
I used to play softball, before my wild card turned. Shorts and a tee-shirt’s the outfit I’m most comfortable in, and it lets me run and throw.

EARTH WITCH:
For me, it’s jeans and whatever. [SHRUGS] I haven’t really worn much else. But Curveball promised to take me shopping in New York.

JEZ:
Sweet!

MEL:
START SPREADING THE NEWS.

JEZ:
So what wouldn’t you be caught dead in?

CURVEBALL:
[LAUGHS] Hey, I don’t want to be caught dead AT ALL.

JEZ:
Gotcha. [SMILES] Time to talk about your love lives!

EARTH WITCH:
This one’s all Curveball’s. I’m not seeing anyone.

JEZ:
Yet.

EARTH WITCH:
[LAUGHS] Yet.

CURVEBALL:
[BLUSHES] After all the work I’ve done trying to keep this out of the press, you’re going to ask me this?

JEZ:
You betcha.

CURVEBALL:
John and I are just trying to have a quiet, normal relationship.

EARTH WITCH:
Even though they’ve had their picture on the cover of Aces! magazine and are the total “it” couple right now.

JEZ:
Heh. Well then, what’s your romantic fantasy?

CURVEBALL:
To be together with John on a tropical island. With no paparazzi. [GRINS HUGELY]

JEZ:
Earth Witch? What about you?

EARTH WITCH:
To have a romantic fantasy, I’d have to have some romance first. That’s the fantasy, right there.

JEZ:
Aw.

CURVEBALL:
Give it time, chica.

JEZ:
Tell me, in INSIDE STRAIGHT, were there any parts of the story where you were like, Carrie, sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

EARTH WITCH:
Actually, the whole concept of American Hero was kind of a big, huh?

CURVEBALL:
[NODS]

EARTH WITCH:
I think it started as a throwaway line in the pre-planning stages of the book, then got totally out of hand. I heard Carrie mutter at one point, “I’ve created a monster.”

JEZ:
Mmm. Monsters.

CURVEBALL:
So yeah, there we are on American Hero, battling fake bank robbers and rescuing people from fake burning buildings. I swear, the writers sat around for hours, thinking up wacky fake challenges for the show.

JEZ:
If you had your way, what would you change about INSIDE STRAIGHT?

CURVEBALL:
I would have Drummer Boy not be a [BLEEP].

JEZ:
Ooh! ‘Splain, please!

CURVEBALL:
He was on our team on the show—the Hearts, if that isn’t corny enough—and he can be a really nice guy. All seven feet and six arms of him.

JEZ:
Bless me, the possibilities with six arms…

CURVEBALL:
Then you put a few hot chicks in the room, and he turns into an absolute [BLEEP]. No pun intended.

JEZ:
Heh. Am I detecting a wee bit of jealousy?

CURVEBALL:
[LAUGHS] If the two of us HAD hooked up, I wouldn’t be with John now.

JEZ:
Fair enough. Earth Witch? What would you change about INSIDE STRAIGHT, if you could?

EARTH WITCH:
I would have it so nobody got killed in Egypt.

CURVEBALL:
Oh yeah. That one. That one more than what I said.

JEZ:
Careful here. We don’t want to set off the Spoilalert. Damn thing’s impossible to turn off.

EARTH WITCH:
[MIMES ZIPPING LIPS SHUT]

JEZ:
Tell me one thing in the real world that you wish you could change.

CURVEBALL:
Wait a minute. I thought we WERE in the real world.

JEZ:
Um.

EARTH WITCH:
Hey, did you ever think about what would have happened if Fidel Castro had gone into politics in the 1950s instead of becoming a pro baseball player?

JEZ:
Right, moving along…what about in the publishing world? What would you change?

CURVEBALL AND EARTH WITCH:
More WILD CARDS books!

JEZ:
[GRINS] Sounds good to me. If INSIDE STRAIGHT goes Hollywood, who should play you in the movie?

EARTH WITCH:
Ooh, Salma Hayek. That would be so awesome.

CURVEBALL:
Milla Jovovich. She’s the only one I can think of who’s tough enough to play me.

EARTH WITCH:
What about like Reese Witherspoon? Or Kate Hudson? They’re cute.

CURVEBALL:
Can you imagine either of them throwing fastballs that explode on impact?

EARTH WITCH:
Good point.

JEZ:
Last question. If you could be evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

CURVEBALL:
Is this like saying, “If only she used her powers for GOOD.”

JEZ:
Heh. Sort of.

CURVEBALL:
We spent a whole day on American Hero stopping a fake bank robbery. I couldn’t help but think how easy it would be for the two of us to rob a couple of banks using our powers.

EARTH WITCH:
Oh, wow. You’re right. We could go all Thelma and Louise.

CURVEBALL:
Without the driving over a cliff at the end part, right?

EARTH WITCH:
Right.

JEZ:
I love it!

Boys and girls, give a standing O for Carrie Vaughn’s two characters in George R. R. Martin’s shared world of WILD CARDS novel, INSIDE STRAIGHT…Curveball and Earth Witch!

[APPLAUSE]

[No, this isn't Curveball. Or Earth Witch. It is, however, an extreme closeup of their Dear Creator's eye. Hi, Carrie!]

You can get the mass market of INSIDE STRAIGHT, the new Wild Cards release, BUSTED FLUSH, and the rest of the Wild Cards books at Barnes and Noble, Borders, Flights of Fantasy, Mysterious Galaxy and other independent bookstores, Amazon, and other bookstores near you.

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse! Until next time, remember: love your inner demon.