JEZEBEL:
Heya, Avid Fans! Welcome once again to Cat and Muse, the only Internet talk-radio show run completely by and about fictional characters. I’m your host, the former demon Jezebel, coming at you live from the sordid depths of Jackie Kessler’s website. With me, as always, is the producer of Cat and Muse—the cliché-speaking, pop-culture-referencing Muse of Tragedy…Melpomene!

[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
Our next guest on Cat and Muse is Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf all rolled up in one. Romantic Times declares RED to be a “gritty thriller” and says it’s “Very good stuff, indeed!” And Publishers Weekly says that the complex world building combines “with a steamy and conflicted romance between a strong heroine and a literal alpha male hero, with plenty of chemistry to fuel future volumes.”

Gritty? Steamy, conflicted romance? Plenty of chemistry? [FANS SELF] Bless me, I can’t wait to read this book! Boys and girls, give a hotter than hot welcome to the protagonist of Jordan Summers’ RED… Gina Santiago!

[APPLAUSE]

Heya, Gina!

GINA:
Hello, everyone! It’s nice to be here with Jez. [LOWER] I can’t believe Jordan signed me up for this on a training day. Hasn’t she ever heard of asking first?

JEZ:
Creators rarely ask before they create, so I’ve found.

GINA:
[PLANTS SMILE ON FACE] Wow, you have quite a crowd gathered today, Jez. [WIPES DIRT AND SAND FROM SHIRT] If I’d have known it was going to be this big, I would’ve put on a clean uniform.

JEZ:
No worries. I pay them well. They overlook the occasional sweat and grit. Actually, some of them get off on it. Hee. [GLANCES AT CUE CARDS] So, you’re a member of an elite tactical team in charge of protecting the world. [GRINS] No pressure or anything. What makes the events of RED different from any other day at the office?

GINA:
You mean other than being hunted by a power hungry politician bent on running the world?

JEZ:
I said, what makes it different.

GINA:
I’d have to say it’s not being able to control my wolf.

JEZ:
Your… [READS CARDS AGAIN] Mel, there’s NOTHING in here about Gina being a werewolf!

MEL:
SORRY IS THE HARDEST WORD…

GINA:
Heck, I didn’t even know I had a wolf until I came to the town of Nuria to investigate a murder.

JEZ:
Huh. Okay, a murder investigation, avoiding the power players, and lycanthropy. Yeah, I can see where you were a little busy. Anything good happen to you?

GINA:
Sheriff Morgan Hunter in all his feral glory.

JEZ:
Ooh!

GINA:
Bring on the claws, baby!

JEZ:
Okay, spill. You and Morgan. Who’s on top? Or are there other preferred positions?

GINA:
Morgan Hunter is an alpha werewolf. Who do you think is on top?

JEZ:
Hee hee hee…

GINA:
Doggy style all the way.

JEZ:
[GRINS] What’s your romantic fantasy?

GINA:
Morgan naked and bound to a bed.

JEZ:
And? And?

GINA:
[SMILES WICKEDLY] The rest I’ll leave to your imagination.

JEZ:
Spoilsport. Which is better: sex or chocolate?

GINA:
Both!

MEL:
CAN’T WE HAVE BOTH?

JEZ:
Heh. What’s your standard outfit, when you’re not all shaggy?

GINA:
International Police Tactical Team issue black uniform. Keeps you cool in the heat and moves with your body when performing hand-to-hand combat.

JEZ:
And when performing other things, I’m sure. Love the boots, by the way.

GINA:
[GLANCES DOWN] The number of boots I seem to go through on the job is pretty ridiculous. My grandfather, the commander of IPTT, has vowed to start charging me soon if I keep it up.

JEZ:
Who are you, Imelda Marcos?

GINA:
[SMILES] It’s not my fault that I can’t stand blood caked in the treads of my boots.

JEZ:
I hate when that happens. Speaking of blood, what wouldn’t you be caught dead in?

GINA:
I’ve heard of something called a “dress.” I, personally, wouldn’t be caught dead in one of those, since I couldn’t carry my weapons.

JEZ:
And I guess a stylish purse is right out…So, in RED, were there any parts of the story where you were like, Jordan, sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

GINA:
In sync? You’re kidding, right? I don’t know if you’ve met her, but Jordan can be quite a sadistic bitch.

JEZ:
[SIGHS] Most Creators can be…

GINA:
She had a hood tossed over my head, and I nearly choked to death when the drawstring was tightened. Talk about cutting it close.

JEZ:
Sometimes, I think they get off on torturing us. [GLARES AT COMPUTER SCREEN] Kessler, am I right?

JACKIE:
Leave me out of this!

GINA:
Jordan and I are rarely in sync. It’s a battle of wills all the way. [SMILES] I’m happy to say I win most of the time.

JEZ:
Good for you! If you had your way, what would you change about RED?

GINA:
I’d have caught the killer sooner. Saved a few more people.

JEZ:
Ah. Right. A do-gooder. I won’t hold that against you. If you could make Jordan do anything, what would it be?

GINA:
Walk a mile on the Dead World to see how she likes it.

JEZ:
‘Splain, please.

GINA:
Sand gets in EVERY crack, and it’s nearly impossible to get out.

JEZ:
Heh. I’m thinking of some possibilities…

GINA:
Oh, and maybe have her sleep with Raphael. That would teach her.

JEZ:
[BLINKS] And what a lesson that would be. Heh. If RED goes Hollywood, who should play you in the movie?

GINA:
I’d be lying if I didn’t say Angelina Jolie. The woman is gorgeous.

JEZ:
[NODS] She is. Rumor is, she signed in Billy Bob’s blood when she made that particular deal.

GINA:
Perfect attitude for the job. I suppose if she wasn’t available, Kate Beckinsale would do. But I doubt she’d take on the role since she’s already played a vampire.

JEZ:
You never know. What about Morgan? Who plays your alpha male sweetie?

GINA:
Perhaps Gerard Butler, or Daniel Craig.

MEL:
TWO GREAT TASTES.

JEZ:
Mmm. I’d definitely say so.

GINA:
They’re rough enough around the edges.

JEZ:
Yum! Finally, if you could be evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

GINA:
Oh, that’s a hard question.

JEZ:
It always is. [WINKS] So they say.

GINA:
I suppose I’d have to ask for super telekinesis, so I could take out a few baddies from a distance.

JEZ:
A do-gooder to the core. That’s okay, sweetie. There’s still hope for the eventual corruption of your soul.

GINA:
No, I just protect what’s mine.

JEZ:
Okay, greed. I can work with greed!

Avid Fans, give another round of applause for the heroine of Jordan Summer’s new novel, RED…Gina Santiago!

[APPLAUSE]

[No, this isn't Gina. But it is her Dear Creator, Jordan Summers.]

You can get RED at Barnes and Noble, Borders, Flights of Fantasy, Mysterious Galaxy, other independent bookstores, Amazon, and other bookstores near you!

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse. Until next time, remember: love your inner demon.