JEZEBEL:
Heya, Avid Fans! It’s time once again for Cat and Muse. I’m your host, the former demon Jezebel, coming at you live from the sordid depths of Jackie Kessler’s website. With me, as always, is the producer of Cat and Muse, the cliché-speaking, pop culture-referencing, incredibly tragic fashion victim…the Muse of Tragedy, Melpomene!

[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
Our next guest on Cat and Muse will be the first to tell you that the Wicked Witch of the West got a bad rap. In a five-blue-ribbon rating from Romance Junkies, the reviewer declares: “WITCHES ANONYMOUS was a book I couldn’t put down. I was caught up page after page needing to know what happened next. You’ll want to grab two copies, one to give to your friend and one to read over and over again….If I could describe WITCHES ANONYMOUS it would be one hundred percent perfect.”

Mmm. Perfection. Boys and girls say hello to the star of Misty Evans’ latest novella—WITCHES ANONYMOUS in the Samhain TICKLE MY FANTASY anthology—Amy Atwood!

[APPLAUSE]

Heya, Amy!

AMY:
Hey, Jez, glad to meet you. Mel, too. I’ve heard a lot of interesting things about you guys, and I love your show.

JEZ:
Aw, thanks, sweetie! Flattery will get you everywhere. [GLANCES AT CUE CARDS] So tell us, can a bad witch go good in thirteen easy steps?

AMY:
Not if Lucifer has his way with her!

JEZ:
Heh. I can see that…

MEL:
THE DEVIL YOU KNOW…

JEZ:
Good point. Avid Fans, you should know that Amy is visiting from an alternate cannon. Her Lucifer is different from the Lucifer in the Hell on Earth series. And…[PAUSES] Bless me, those are the cutest shoes.

AMY:
[GRINS] Louboutins. I dress from the shoes up. [SWINGS LEG TO SHOW OFF THE SHOE]

JEZ:
Nice. Anything you wouldn’t be caught dead in?

AMY:
Well, at this point, anything Lucifer gave me. Like the Marc Jacobs studded platforms he bought me to wear with my leather corset.

JEZ:
Ah. Sounds like a shoe fetish. Is that your biggest vice?

AMY:
I have only one vice. Lust.

JEZ:
[GRINS HUGELY] Do tell!

AMY:
I lust for sinful men, dark chocolate and designer shoes.

JEZ:
All completely understandable. What’s so bad about that?

AMY:
[HUFFS] I sold my soul to the Devil, and then caught him in a particularly wicked hex act with my sister Emilia.

JEZ:
Ouch.

MEL:
FAMILY TIES.

JEZ:
And whips, and lashes…

AMY:
So didn’t bargain for that kind of hell.

JEZ:
Heh. Go figure. So your deal with the Devil included pillow privileges, eh? Gosh, whatever could go wrong?

AMY:
Breaking up with him is tricky, since he owns my soul and all. But that’s what Witches Anonymous is for.

JEZ:
Say what now?

AMY:
No more casting spells, just to entertain the Devil. No more curses to carry out his desires. No more witchery of any kind.

MEL:
COLD TURKEY.

JEZ:
Sounds tough.

AMY:
The worst thing about my situation is that my sister Emilia stole my spell book. It contains the Atomic Sister Slave Spell. Once she finds that…well, I’ll be cleaning dog doo off her shoes and telling her she’s prettier than Paris Hilton. Yeesh.

JEZ:
See, this is why I take mental notes and never write [BLEEP] down. Anything salvageable about your situation?

AMY:
Adam.

JEZ:
Adam?

AMY:
He’s the original Adam, who’s back on Earth for a redo.

JEZ:
So…Adam and Amy? [CHUCKLES]

AMY:
[SIGHS DREAMILY] He’s totally gorgeous, and loves Sin City ice cream, which is always the flavor of the day at my ice cream shop.

JEZ:
See, and here I always thought Adam was a bit of a whiner. But now you’re telling me he’s a romance hero?

AMY:
[LAUGHS] I never thought of the Biblical story of Adam and Eve as a love story, either. But Misty did. And that’s where some of her ideas for WITCHES ANONYMOUS came from. She thinks Adam loved Eve so much, he chose to eat from the apple instead of hanging out in the Garden with God. Kind of puts a different spin on things.

JEZ:
Okay, spill. You and Adam. Who’s on top? Or are there other preferred positions?

AMY:
Adam’s the adventurous type. And since I’ve spent a lot of time with Lucifer, I have many things to teach him.

JEZ:
Ooh! What’s your romantic fantasy? Don’t worry. It’s just us girls. You can be as graphic as you want. In fact, I insist.

AMY:
My only fantasy right now is a deserted island. Not indefinitely, just for say, an hour or two. No men, no angels, no demons and definitely no sisters. Just me and Mother Nature. Oh, and a never ending supply of Dove chocolates.

JEZ:
[BLINKS] A fantasy…without any nookie? Seriously now, isn’t that a little ridiculous, especially for someone whose only vice is lust?

AMY:
Ridiculous? [COUNTS OFF POINTS] I’m being stalked by Lucifer, the fate of the world rests on me being able to keep Adam from sinning, and the angel Gabriel has only given me three days to choose good or evil. Add that deal with my sister and the Atomic Sister Slave spell, and, well, ridiculous is my middle name.

JEZ:
Point taken. Which is better: sex or chocolate?

AMY:
Depends on the man and the brand. I mean, are we talking Clive Owen versus Hershey’s? Or Jack Black and Godiva?

JEZ:
Heh. I’ll get back to you. So, in WITCHES ANONYMOUS were there any parts of the story where you were like, Misty, sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

AMY:
Misty is a sweet gal at heart, but there are times when she does a mean Linda Blair impression. This evil light goes on in her eyes and her head starts spinning.

JEZ:
Example?

AMY:
She likes to make her characters say, “What the hell?” on just about every page!

JEZ:
Well, yeah, I can see that getting annoying. But I don’t think that’s exactly Blairsville.

AMY:
[COUNTS OFF POINTS, AGAIN] First, I have to attend a Witches Anonymous meeting with a bunch of goodie-two-shoes Wiccans. Then Lucifer shows up in my bed uninvited with boysenberry syrup and whipped cream.

JEZ:
[TO THE CAMERA] This from the gal whose romantic fantasy is to be alone on a desert island. Without even a battery-operated vibrator.

AMY:
[STILL COUNTING OFF POINTS] Adam recruits me to save him from temptation, and Emilia steals my favorite pair of Dolce and Gabannas.

JEZ:
Whoa. Now that’s evil!

AMY:
Then Gabriel comes along, fluttering his wings at me, and insisting I wipe out sin so he can be God. Jeesh, now my head is spinning.

JEZ:
Yeah, archangels can be such [BLEEP] pains. Trust me. If you had your way, what would you change about WITCHES ANONYMOUS?

AMY:
My sister’s wardrobe. She gets to wear Versace. I don’t.

JEZ:
See, folks, there’s a reason why evil people are evil. It’s because life is unfair. Amy, if you could make Misty do anything, what would it be?

AMY:
She’s cooking up the sequel to WA. I’d love to put a spell on her so I get all the good shoes and Lucifer gets Emilia. [LAUGHS EVILLY]

JEZ:
Tell me one thing in the real world that you wish you could change.

AMY:
Chocolate would be part of the food pyramid.

JEZ:
Would be? You mean, it’s not?

MEL:
YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT.

JEZ:
In that case, just call me Mint Chocolate Cookie. What about in the publishing world, Amy? What would you change?

AMY:
The cover of WA would be on one those 100-feet high billboards in Times Square.

JEZ:
Nice! If WITCHES ANONYMOUS goes Hollywood, who should play you in the movie?

AMY:
Someone sassy and sexy, like Jennifer Aniston.

JEZ:
Either with or without The Rachel haircut. What about Lucifer?

AMY:
Clive Owen, definitely. The whole dark and dangerous thing he’s got going is perfect.

JEZ:
Mmm. Dark and dangerous. Yum! What about Adam?

AMY:
Paul Walker. Sweet and yummy.

JEZ:
Two great tastes! Finally, if you could be evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

AMY:
I’ve been evil for lots of days and I have to tell you, being good is a lot harder!

JEZ:
[SIGHS] I know. Have you noticed that good people don’t have a sense of humor?

AMY:
However…to answer your question, I’ve always wanted to be able to wiggle my nose like Samantha on Bewitched and make people disappear when they piss me off.

JEZ:
Poof, gone like dandruff after Head and Shoulders. I like it!

AMY:
And if I could use it to dispose of a couple extra inches on my hips due to all the chocolate and ice cream, that would be righteous!

JEZ:
Amen.

Boys and girls, give a hotter than hot round of applause for the star of Misty Evans’ WITCHES ANONYMOUS…Amy Atwood!

[APPLAUSE]

[No, this isn't Amy Atwood. But it is her Dear Creator, Misty Evans.]

You can buy WITCHES ANONYMOUS as an e-book at My Bookstore And More.

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse! Until next time, love your inner demon!