JEZEBEL:
Heya, Avid Fans! Welcome once again to Cat and Muse, the only Internet talk-radio show run completely by and about fictional characters. I’m your host, the former demon Jezebel, coming at you live from the sordid depths of Jackie Kessler’s website. With me, as always, is the producer of Cat and Muse—the cliché-speaking, pop-culture-referencing Muse of Tragedy…Melpomene!

[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
The next guest on Cat and Muse has an ear for the afterlife. No, really. She’s the star of Kimi Alexandre’s GUARDIANS podcast novel, which comes tomorrow: Friday, May 22. Please give a huge welcome to Raegan!

[APPLAUSE]

Heya, Raegan!

RAEGAN:
Hey Jez, been looking forward to meeting you and Mel. Sup Mel.

MEL:
WHAT’S UP, DOC?

JEZ:
So in your canon, angels live wing-to-elbow with humans. But the awesome twist is that humans are responsible for the angels’ existence.

RAE:
[NODS] There’s some other cool stuff, but I promised not to spread it around.

JEZ:
Yeah, we don’t want to break out the Spoilalert. Now, having dealt with angels, I can only assume that’s the worst thing that happens to you in GUARDIANS. Am I right?

RAE:
Up until a few days ago, I had no idea that angels and ghosts were actually real. I had no idea that I have some type of magical ability inside me, let alone know how to use it. [SIGHS] I’m woefully unprepared to deal with supernatural situations and people.

MEL:
SHE TALKS TO ANGELS.

JEZ:
Indeed.

RAE:
One angel in particular has been getting a little more cozy then I’d like him to: invading my thoughts, my emotions…bet he’d take over my body if he could.

JEZ:
Sweetie, you want to be possessed by an angel? Holy [BLEEP] in Heaven. We really do come from different canons, don’t we?

RAE:
[SMILES] Oh, and if I don’t find a way to help my new friends, a whole lot of hurt is gonna be put on the world. And I might end up needing to do this whole life thing over again.

JEZ:
Well. Sucks to be you, then.

RAE:
[LAUGHS] I think that pretty much says it all right there.

JEZ:
Anything salvageable about your situation? Or is it all doom and gloom?

RAE:
It’s been along time since I’ve gotten to be out among people, other then what my job entails.

JEZ:
[SCANS NOTES] You’re a bodyguard, yeah?

RAE:
[NODS] I love the parties and gigs that bodyguarding celebs gives me, but none of them are really my friends. I like the camaraderie it’s providing. The intimacy…

JEZ:
The fabulous wardrobe…

RAE:
[LAUGHS] On the job, it’s classy cocktail dresses. But off the job, it’s jeans and a fitted t-shirt. Combat boots when I’m not working.

JEZ:
See, I’d think that being a bodyguard, you’d be more able to deal with the [BLEEP] that happens when angels get involved in things.

RAE:
[SNORTS] It’s ridiculous to expect someone who’s spent their whole life opposed to things that are hard to believe to go from zero to sixty on the “it’s all true” scale. I’m used to being able to deal with crazies and bad guys, but that has to do with hand to hand, or guns and knives. Someone needs to give me the cliff notes on how to fight the supernatural.

JEZ:
Mel, would you give Raegan a complimentary copy of the “How to Live With (Or Kill) the Supernatural Beasties in Your Neighborhood” pamphlet after the show?

MEL:
YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND.

JEZ:
[BLINKS] I know I should worry when she’s being extraordinarily nice to me. Well. Raegan, you mentioned an angel you’ve been getting intimate with.

RAE:
[NODS] Ben.

JEZ:
Okay, spill. You and Ben. Who’s on top? Or are there other preferred positions?

RAE:
If we were a thing….we’d switch!

JEZ:
If? No angelic nooky for you? Well then, what’s your romantic fantasy? (Don’t worry. It’s just us girls. You can be as graphic as you want. In fact, I insist.)

RAE:
Not that I’m saying it’s ever going to happen.

JEZ:
Of course not.

RAE:
But IF it did, it would be amusing to [BLEEP] in the astral plane. Things are so much more vivid in color. That might be pretty cool to see all the trippy colors when you are in the middle of having an orgasm.

JEZ:
Oh, it is. It is. Which is better: sex or chocolate?

RAE:
Oh wow. Um…sex while being fed chocolate? But only the dark kind. Not that nasty white or milk chocolate.

JEZ:
Heh. Noted. So, in GUARDIANS, were there any parts of the story where you were like, Kimi, sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

RAE:
For the most part, so far I’m running her more then she’s running me. But since things aren’t set in stone yet, I should probably be careful how loud I say that. [LAUGHS]

JEZ:
True. Dear Creators tend to have overly large ears. [GLANCES AT COMPUTER SCREEN] And they tend to egosurf when they should be working.

JACKIE:
[OFF CAMERA] HEY!

JEZ:
[GRINS] See?

RAE:
I do kinda wish Kimi wouldn’t keep throwing things at me in a way that it’s “believe or die.” That’s pretty annoying.

JEZ:
As are most Creators.

JACKIE:
[OFF CAMERA] I’m right here, you know!

JEZ:
Raegan, if you had your way, what would you change about GUARDIANS?

RAE:
I’m certainly hoping for a little angel action.

MEL:
SEND ME AN ANGEL!

JEZ:
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

RAE:
Maybe if you come over to the site and comment enough, Kimi will listen to us and I’ll get to have some interesting scenes.

JEZ:
I just don’t see the appeal in boinking an angel. Now demons, well, once you go nefarious, you never go back. Mostly because then you’re damned to Hell and are dead, but whatever. [COUGHS] If you could make Kimi do anything, what would it be?

RAE:
Write faster. The pressure is killing me. Will we make it to each episode? What will happen?

JEZ:
Yeah, good luck with that. Tell me one thing in the real world that you wish you could change.

RAE:
Carbs don’t count toward your weight.

JEZ:
For serious! If GUARDIANS goes Hollywood, who should play you in the movie? What about Ben?

RAE:
Hmm…Angie. Kimi and I sat down the other day and got sucked into Tomb Raider again. That girl’s hot. 

JEZ:
She is. I wouldn’t kick her out of bed.

RAE:
As for Ben….that’s a hard one. Maybe Jensen Ackles, just so we get to hang out with him. Though I’d have to be the one to do the kiss scenes. I’d want to make sure they were authentic you know? [SMIRKS]

JEZ:
Heh. I do indeed. Finally, if you could be evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

RAE:
Evil’s another one of those “belief” concepts to me. It’s more about intention then a simple act in itself being evil.

JEZ:
Bless me, you’re adorable.

RAE:
Right now…I don’t have any bad intentions. Though you know what? Don’t tell anyone I said this, but I’d love to be able to shut up a client who goes all “arrogant bitch” on me and thinks I’m their servant instead of their protection. Is that bad?

JEZ:
It’s a start!

Avid Fans, give another hotter than hot round of applause to the star of Kimi Alexandre’s GUARDIANS…Raegan!

[APPLAUSE]

[No, this isn’t Raegan. But it is her Dear Creator, Kimi Alexandre.]

GUARDIANS is being podcast at http://www.guardiansnovel.com for free, starting tomorrow, May 22, 2009. For more about Kimi Alexandre and some behind the scenes action, be sure to visit her urban fantasy writers podcast: http://www.talechasing.com.

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse! Until next time…love your inner demon!