JEZEBEL:
Heya, Avid Fans! Welcome to Cat and Muse, the only Internet talk-radio show (that we know of) that is by and about author characters. I’m your host, the former demon Jezebel, coming at you live from the sordid depths of Jackie Kessler’s website. With me, as always, is the lovely, lamentable Muse of Tragedy, forced to speak in clichés and pop-culture references…Melpomene!

[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
I’ve been waiting to get my hands on our next guest for a very, very long time. Says Romantic Times in a 4.5-star review: “Proving she has talent to spare, Kittredge launches an eerie new series, Black London, set on the streets of London. Atmospheric and filled with a gritty realism, this tale mixes kidnappings with hard-edged magic. The novel crackles with conflict and perilous magic. For those who love their urban fantasy hypnotically treacherous, this book’s for you!”

Hypnotically treacherous? Oh, you know I’m all over that. Just like I’d love to pour my body all over one of the stars of Caitlin Kittredge’s new novel, STREET MAGIC…Jack Winter!

[APPLAUSE]

Mmm, mmm, mmm. Heya, sweetie.

JACK:
Hello, luv.

JEZ:
[GLANCES AT NOTES] So, in STREET MAGIC, a hungry ghost is unleashed upon London, and it falls to you and Detective Inspector Pete Caldecott to put it back where it belongs.

JACK:
I have to point out that Pete is a lady, lest she appear and slap me again.

JEZ:
I have nothing against a little slap and tickle.

MEL:
FOCUS POWER.

JEZ:
Oh, I’m focusing, all right. Unholy Hell, Jack, you know how to work that tee shirt. What’s a sexy mage keep in his closet these days?

JACK:
[LAUGHS] Luv, look at me—does it honestly look as if I give a [BLEEP] what I go out of the house wearing?

JEZ:
The less, the better. [FANS SELF]

JACK:
But since you asked, it behooves a mage to have a good pair of boots and a good leather jacket. [WINKS] Demons bite, you know.

JEZ:
We do much more than that, sweetie.

MEL:
KISS AND TELL.

JEZ:
Don’t mind the Muse. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. So, STREET MAGIC begins with you summoning a demon. Speaking as a (former) demon, why the Hell would you go about trying to summon a demon? Do you have a secret death wish? Or were you trying to impress the ladies?

JACK:
Honestly, demons are the same as anything else—if you summon them properly, they can’t hurt you.

JEZ:
Bless me, you are just adorable.

JACK:
I guess it’s my bad luck I cocked up the “properly” part. And we’re always trying to impress you, ladies. [SMILES] Always.

JEZ:
Mmm. You are so sticking around after the show. What’s the worst thing about your situation in STREET MAGIC?

JACK:
You’re a bloody sadist, aren’t you?

JEZ:
For you, sweetie? I could be.

JACK:
All right, try this: I have uncontrolled psychic visions, a ghost wants to eat me, the love of me life thinks I’m a tosser and I spend the entire story out of cigarettes.

JEZ:
Out of cigarettes? My, my. Your Dear Creator must hate you. Anything salvageable about your situation in the book? Or is it all right up with having a pack of cigarettes and no lighter?

JACK:
Well, Pete does wear a number of fetching and sexy outfits.

JEZ:
[DRYLY] How nice.

JACK:
Also, I’m able to punch a lot of people in the face, magically and not.

JEZ:
[GRINS] A man who knows what to do with his hands. Mmmm. So we’ve gone from worst to best. What’s one ridiculous thing about your situation?

JACK:
[LAUGHS] I suppose the fact that I’m still alive—I mean, if there’s a bloke less interested in self-preservation, I’d like to meet him.

JEZ:
Really?

JACK:
Really. I’ve been given ghost sickness, attacked by demons, overdosed on heroin and eaten more dodgy curry than any one man has a right to, and I’m still here. That’s ridiculous, all right.

JEZ:
Can’t argue the curry. [SCANS NOTES] You shoot up as a way to control your magic, right? If magic is so horrid, why not just walk away from it?

JACK:
That’s like asking me to walk away from my skin…magic’s in me blood and there’s not a bloody thing I can do about it.

JEZ:
Hmm. Have you tried Kama Sutra instead of heroin to keep the magic under control?

JACK:
[GRINS] Depends, luv. Are you offering?

JEZ:
[SLIDES CLOSER TO JACK] Oh, sweetie, you have no idea what I’m offering…

MEL:
ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY.

JEZ:
Let’s say you and I get sweaty. Who’s on top? Or are there other preferred positions?

JACK:
Lady’s choice, darling—I’m flexible. No pun intended.

JEZ:
Oh, the things I’m going to do to you, Jack Winter…What’s your romantic fantasy?

JACK:
[SNORTS] I think you may have mistaken me for one of those sensitive hippie gits with beards. Romance is somewhere on my list after becoming a Catholic priest.

JEZ:
[GRINS] If I didn’t have a contract binding me to finish interviews before having fun, you’d be on the floor already. Or on the desk. Or against the wall…Wait a second. You’re in love with Pete, right? So…why haven’t you gotten sweaty with her?

JACK:
It’s not for lack of trying, luv. Believe me. But she’s a feisty woman and she’ll lay me a smack if I get fresh. [PAUSES] Or for any reason, really.

JEZ:
Ah. So you like it rough. Good to know. Which is better: sex or chocolate?

JACK:
Both together, of course.

JEZ:
Of course. [MAKES YUMMY SOUND] Okay, back to business, before I get fired. So, in STREET MAGIC, were there any parts of the story where you were like, Caitlin, sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

JACK:
Oh, she’s a lovely girl. Really tip-top at storytelling. ‘Course, that means I spend the entire novel in one sort of peril or another. Also, frequently wet and handcuffed to somebody’s bed.

JEZ:
[FANS SELF] Wet with a t-shirt? Naked? No, don’t tell me. I’ll just close my eyes and imagine…

JACK:
[LAUGHS] Don’t let the sweet face fool you—she’s a ruddy sadist when it comes to us characters.

JEZ:
Yeah, that seems to be a theme when it comes to Creators. [GLARES AT COMPUTER SCREEN] If you had your way, what would you change about STREET MAGIC?

JACK:
I would greatly enjoy not almost dying. Several times. It’s not nearly as fun as it sounds.

JEZ:
Been there. Done that. Completely agree with you. If you could make Caitlin do anything, what would it be?

JACK:
She always listens to me eventually. We’re both stubborn sorts, but I’m far more charming. I usually win.

JEZ:
Nice that you have your Creator under your thumb. You’ll have to teach me that trick. And I’ll teach you a few in return…Tell me one thing in the real world that you wish you could change.

JACK:
People being [BLEEP] bastards to one another, obviously. [PAUSES] Unless they deserve it.

JEZ:
Heh. What about in the publishing world?

JACK:
Sorry, luv. I’m a mage, not a writer. But if you have any publishers you’d like me to curse, I’ll do the job for free.

JEZ:
Hah! If STREET MAGIC goes Hollywood, who should play you in the movie?

JACK:
Well, I’m rather partial to that David Tennant bloke from Doctor Who as me, even if he is a bloody Scotsman.

JEZ:
Nice. What about Pete?

JACK:
I can’t answer for Pete—but they should have a nice shapely rear bumper like she does, of course. Don’t tell her I said that.

MEL:
OUR LIPS ARE SEALED.

JEZ:
Finally, if you could be evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

JACK:
I can’t tell you. But I could show you. [GRINS]

JEZ:
…

I think I just had an orgasm.

Avid Fans, give a standing ovation to one of the stars of Catilin Kittredge’s new series, Black London…Jack Winter!

[APPLAUSE]

[No, this isn’t the delectable Jack Winter. But it is his very talented Dear Creator, Caitlin Kittredge]

You can buy STREET MAGIC at Barnes and Noble, Borders, Flights of Fantasy, Mysterious Galaxy and other independent bookstores, Amazon and other bookstores near you.

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse! Until next time, remember: love you inner demon. (And if you’re Jack Winter, be sure to do it multiple times a day.)