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Heart of Stone

JEZEBEL:
Heya, Avid Fans! Welcome to Cat and Muse, the only Internet talk-radio show (that we know of) that is by and about author characters. I’m your host, the former demon Jezebel, coming at you live from the sordid depths of Jackie Kessler’s website. With me, as always, is the lovely, lamentable Muse of Tragedy, forced to speak in clichés and pop-culture references…Melpomene!

[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
Our next guest comes with some rave reviews. Bestselling author Gena Showalter calls THREE DAYS TO DEAD “Dark, dangerous and delectable. A fantastic debut impossible to put down!” And bestseller Patricia Briggs says: “THREE DAYS TO DEAD is gritty, imaginative and a terrific read. Debut author Kelly Meding is a real storyteller and I look forward to reading more of her work.” And according to bestselling author Jeaniene Frost: “Action-packed, edgy, and thrilling, THREE DAYS TO DEAD is a fabulous debut! Kelly Meding’s world and characters will grab you from the first page. You won’t want to miss this one.”

And some author named Jackie Kessler raves: “THREE DAYS TO DEAD is one of the best books I’ve read. Ever. Evy Stone is a heroine’s heroine, and I rooted for her from the moment I met her. Kelly Meding has written a phenomenal story, one that’s fast-paced, gritty, and utterly addictive. Brava! More! More! More!”

Boys and girls, give a hotter than hot welcome to the star of Kelly Meding’s debut novel, THREE DAYS TO DEAD…Evy Stone!

[APPLAUSE]

TDTD

Heya, Evy!

EVY:
Yeah, hi. [EYEBALLS MEL]

JEZ:
So in THREE DAYS TO DEAD, a kick-ass Dreg Hunter is resurrected into a new, less-than-kick-ass body with three days to solve her own murder and stop a devastating alliance between the city’s vampires and goblins, before she dies again for good. [GRINS] That is SO cool.

EVY:
Cool? Are you serious?

JEZ:
Absolutely! What’s the worst thing that happens to you? Is it the being killed part?

EVY:
The worst thing? How much airtime do we have? [SNORTS]

MEL:
[SINGS] NOBODY KNOWS THE TROUBLE I’VE SEEN…

EVY:
Okay, so forgetting for a moment that before the book even begins, I’ve already seen both of my partners die in front of me, been accused of their murders, am being hunted by my former colleagues, and am indirectly responsible for the deaths of about three hundred shape-shifters, I have also, apparently, been kidnapped and tortured to death. This is before, this isn’t even now.

JEZ:
[SIGHS HAPPILY] Like I said. So cool.

EVY:
[GLARES] So forgetting all of that [BLEEP] for a moment, I then wake up naked, half-frozen, and in a morgue! Did I mention naked?

JEZ:
Did I mention cool?

EVY:
A naked body that is not mine, by the way, but the body of some other chick who just recently died. And judging by the deep gash in her arm, it wasn’t a happy death.

JEZ:
Better and better!

EVY:
So no clothes, no money, no [BLEEP] clue how I died in the first place—can I say [BLEEP] on the radio?

JEZ:
Nope, but we’ve got a seven-second delay. No worries.

EVY:
No clue how I died in the first place because I have short-term memory loss.

JEZ:
Dead, naked, and suffering from amnesia. This is, like, the best story ever! All we need is a hot guy.

EVY:
I finally find my old boss, Wyatt Truman, and as if my afterlife isn’t already complicated enough, my new body seems to find him extremely attractive.

JEZ:
HAH! Knew it! Best! Story! Ever!

EVY:
Turns out he paid the price to bring me back, because before I died I learned something really important.

JEZ:
Ooh. I can sense the italics!

EVY:
And he needs to know this really important thing that I know, so humans don’t get trampled by an alliance between vampires and goblins. Only remember that memory loss? And to top that all off, it turns out I’m on a fu—er, freaking three-day time limit.

JEZ:
And then you’re dead again, right?

MEL:
PUSHING UP DAISIES. TAKING A DIRT NAP. DEAD AS A DOORNAIL. BETTER OFF…

JEZ:
Yeah, got it with the first cliché, thanks.

EVY:
Should I go on? I can go on, because it just keeps getting worse…

JEZ:
Let’s shake it up. What’s the best thing about your situation?

EVY:
Well, the healing thing’s pretty nifty, and it’s been damned useful so far.

JEZ:
Healing thing?

EVY:
Seems the spell used to bring me back came with the neat side feature of rapid healing. Good thing, too, because my reaction time in this new body is a lot slower and less graceful than I’m used to. [PAUSES] I swear, the dead chick was a klutz in life.

JEZ:
Hate when that happens…

EVY:
Even though no one told Wyatt about it ahead of time, I guess the healing thing makes sense. I mean, he bargained for three days. Hard to get those entire three days if I get taken out by an angry hound.

JEZ:
Angry say what now?

EVY:
Did I mention the hounds? Nasty pieces of work, completely unnatural. Dunno how they got into my city, but I’m sure as [BLEEP] going to get them back out again. [PAUSES] Wait, what was the question again?

JEZ:
You were about to tell me something ridiculous you have to deal with.

EVY:
[BLINKS] I don’t even know how to narrow it down to one. Pretending to actually be Chalice Frost—she’s the dead chick whose body I’m borrowing—probably tops the list. I mean, I may look like her and sound like her, but I am so not her.

JEZ:
‘Splain, please.

EVY:
For one thing, pink! All over her bedroom and wardrobe.

JEZ:
[SHUDDERS] Pink.

EVY:
And let’s see. [TICS OFF POINTS ON FINGERS] She was a grad student and I barely got my GED. I had to lie to her neighbor in order to get into Chalice’s apartment and steal some clothes. I had to lie to her best friend, Alex, who actually saw her dead body and was really confused as to why she was up and about again.

JEZ:
[BURSTS OUT LAUGHING]

EVY:
And he’s a real, honest-to-god nice guy. And then later I ran into someone Chalice worked with, which was just…really awkward. So yeah, pretending to be someone else definitely tops the ridiculous list.

JEZ:
So what does a Dreg Hunter-turned-klutz wear these days?

EVY:
Jeans and a shirt that allows for movement and easy access to weapons. Combat boots, steel-toed if I can find them. Being stylish doesn’t keep you alive.

JEZ:
No, but it is more fun.

EVY:
Skimpy tops don’t adequately hide knives and handguns.

JEZ:
Accessorizing by way of licensed hunter. [NODS] I like it!

EVY:
I hate skirts, and if I’m wearing high heels, it’s because I’m playing bait and zeroing in to kill something. And for the love of God, no pink. [SHUDDER]

JEZ:
Heh. Duly noted. Okay, spill. You and Wyatt. Who’s on top? Or are there other preferred positions?

EVY:
Me and Wyatt are…complicated.

JEZ:
[ARCHES EYEBROW]

EVY:
See, I care about him a lot. We’ve worked together for four years, seen each other injured, sick, and at our absolute, blood-covered, broken-bone, beaten-down worst.

JEZ:
You make that sound like a bad thing…

EVY:
He knocked sense into my thick, I-know-it-all head before I could get myself killed, um, a lot sooner. We maybe, sort of connected over our shared grief when my partners died, but that’s not…that was different.

JEZ:
How so?

EVY:
I’m not talking about it.

JEZ:
All righty…

EVY:
Then I get resurrected and my new body’s got all these feelings and physical attraction to the man, which I am obviously experiencing now and it’s seriously screwing with my head! And I know he reciprocates all this attraction, which is even worse because I’m just going to be dead again in three days, right? We can’t…it’s not [BLEEP] fair to him.

JEZ:
Heh. Yeah, okay, so it’s complicated.

EVY:

Gah! I don’t even think complicated is strong enough.

JEZ:
What’s your romantic fantasy? Don’t worry. It’s just us girls. You can be as graphic as you want. In fact, I insist.

EVY:
[LAUGHS] Romantic fantasy? [LAUGHS HARDER] Honestly, I’d go for the big cliché: king-sized bed, soft sheets, candlelight, champagne, chocolate-covered strawberries and, if possible, a beach view.

JEZ:
[COUGHS] I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you that all that could be yours for the teeny price of your soul. Not that I do that sort of thing anymore. Just saying.

EVY:
[SIGHS] My life is too damned hard and too damned violent. Hunters don’t do relationships, so when I had an itch, I went to a club and found a guy to scratch it for me. I used to be blond-haired and blue-eyed, so it wasn’t all that hard to find an interested party, trust me. Romance, though, just doesn’t…years ago, I saw firsthand what happened when a Hunter tried to keep a girlfriend, and it wasn’t pretty.

JEZ:
Ah. You know, I keep reminding people: not the face. Never the face. But some people just won’t listen.

MEL:
[SHAKES HEAD SADLY]

JEZ:
What? What did I say?

EVY:
Er. So yeah, I’ve never had the whole romance cliché thing. Wouldn’t mind having it just once. With roses, too. Probably never get it, though. [BLEEP] three-day deadlines.

JEZ:
Which is better: sex or chocolate?

EVY:
Is there a third option? Frankly, I’m not all that crazy about chocolate.

JEZ:
[STARES IN DISBELIEF]

EVY:
Unless you partner it with peanut butter, then I’m so there. And how the hell do people eat dark chocolate? If I wanted to chew on cardboard, I’d eat a shoe box. Ugh.

JEZ:
Sweetie, you’re the first person who has ever shut me up. I think you should get an award.

EVY:
I know it sounds like I defaulted to sex for my answer, and if you’d asked me a few weeks ago, I’d have happily declared it so. But you remember what I said about Wyatt and complicated? My brain says no, no, but my body says hell, yes! I just can’t…

MEL:
THE LADY DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH.

JEZ:
Damn straight.

EVY:
Oh, to hell with it. I’m qualifying my answer—anonymous, no-strings, pre-resurrection sex. Way better than chocolate.

JEZ:
Now we’re talking! In THREE DAYS TO DEAD, were there any parts of the story where you were like, Kelly, sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

EVY:
Strangely enough, Kelly and I were pretty in sync with the stuff she made me do. I mean, I made mistakes, sure, but who the hell doesn’t? Now the [BLEEP] she was making other people do to me? Not so much. Actually, not even a little bit. Kidnapping, torture, murder, betrayal, big-ass claws and teeth rending flesh, a little more betrayal for good measure…I was swallowed by a [BLEEP] troll! I mean, really? REALLY? Do you have any idea how bad their spit smells?

JEZ:
Worse than an incubus’s dirty laundry, I’m guessing…

EVY:
I hope a troll spits in her bed. Or better yet, in her coffee. She can’t function without her coffee. [LAUGHS EVILLY]

JEZ:
I love the way you think! If you had your way, what would you change about THREE DAYS TO DEAD?

EVY:
I’d give me more than just three days. A week, minimum. Seventy-two hours just isn’t enough time to adjust to a new body, get your memory back, solve your own murder, get revenge for the deaths of your partners, convince your old colleagues you aren’t a traitor, and still have a few hours left over to sort out your new feelings for someone you shouldn’t be falling for in the first place. [GLARES AT COMPUTER SCREEN] Hear that, Kelly? Quit with the three-day deadlines!

KELLY:
[OFF CAMERA] Buwahahaha!

JACKIE:
[OFF CAMERA] Aren’t fictional characters the cutest things?

JEZ:
[GLARING AT COMPUTER SCREEN] Evy, if you could make Kelly do anything, what would it be?

EVY:
I’d make her write a story in which I spend a month lazing on some white, sandy beach someplace tropical, sunning myself all day long while sipping fruity drinks with little umbrellas in them. Seriously, I need a vacation from my afterlife.

JEZ:
If THREE DAYS TO DEAD goes Hollywood, who should play you in the movie?

EVY:
You know that show Smallville? And that one chick who plays Lois Lane?

JEZ:
Oh, sure.

EVY:
What is her name, Erica Durance? Yeah, she’d be the new me. She’s got snap and pizazz, and she kicks ass, too.

JEZ:
What about Wyatt?

EVY:
My hot-headed Handler would probably be played by Michael Landes. [GRINS] Google him, folks, you won’t be disappointed by the visual, trust me. It’s the eyes that make the man, right? He’s got the eyes.

JEZ:
Any advice you care to share?

EVY:
Just a word of caution to any fellow juvenile offenders who may be listening—if a good-looking, blond man named Bastian ever shows up outside of your holding cell with an offer to get the charges against you dropped in exchange for your service, say no. You’ll live longer if you stay in jail.

MEL:
JUST SAY NO.

JEZ:
Finally, if you could be evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

EVY:
Spiffy evil powers, huh?

JEZ:
Yep. Spiffy evil, not why-did-I-bother evil.

EVY:
I think the ability to go back in time. That way I can stop some [BLEEP] before it happens, save some lives that didn’t need to be lost. Right a few wrongs.

JEZ:
How…noble.

EVY:
[SHRUGS] Not really the best evil use of evil powers, but whatever. Okay, so maybe also I’d go back and find the goblin bitch who tortured me to death and torture her first. [NODS] Yeah, that could be fun.

JEZ:
Who says death, doom and destruction has to be grim?

Avid Fans, give another round of applause to the star of Kelly Meding’s debut novel, THREE DAYS TO DEAD…Evy Stone!

[APPLAUSE]

KM

[No, this isn’t Evy. Or Chalice. But it is their Dear Creator, Kelly Meding.]

THREE DAYS TO DEAD hits the shelves on November 24. You can preorder it at Barnes and Noble, Borders, independent booksellers, Amazon, and other booksellers near you.

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse! Until next time, remember: love your inner demon.

4 Responses to “Heart of Stone”

  1. […] New interview posted at Cat and Muse: Kelly Meding’s Evy Stone, heroine of the upcoming fabulous novel THREE DAYS TO DEAD. (Yes, I can say it’s fabulous. I blurbed her book.) Come check it out! […]

    by Jackie Kessler - Insert Witty Title Here on November 18th, 2009 at 6:01 pm

  2. […] Evy Stone, heroine of Kelly Meding’s Three Days to Dead, by Cat & Muse (Jackie Kessler) […]

    by News on the Horizon | Literary Escapism on November 19th, 2009 at 4:57 pm

  3. ‘devil in disguise’, fur shur! 😈 😉 😆

    by laughingwolf on November 19th, 2009 at 6:24 pm

  4. Hi Jackie & Kelly 🙂
    I love love love this interview.
    Having Evy & Jez go at it back & forth was a lot of fun. I wish it could be included in the back of your books as a special extra!
    Love & Best Wishes,
    Rob
    xoxo

    by RKCharron on November 20th, 2009 at 12:47 am

Current Guest's Author

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  • About

    So, A Demon Walks Into A Radio Studio

    The thing is, Jezebel is an active sort of former demon. She hates staying still for too long. And she loves people. (Just no longer in the “to death” sort of way.) So when she met Melpomene at the Voodoo Café one evening, it was probably inevitable that Jezzie would decide to be an Internet talk-radio host in her spare time.

    Now Cat and Muse has a dedicated audience (so Jezebel claims, loudly), and Jezzie has interviewed darlings of the print world, including MaryJanice Davidson’s Betsy Taylor, Rachel Caine’s Joanne Baldwin, and T.A. Pratt’s Marla Manson.

    Jezzie loves playing radio host. Mel laments being the producer. And Jackie? She just works here.




    The Staff

    Jezebel



    Jezebel is a former succubus. Quick with a joke, and to light up your smoke, there’s no place that she’d rather be than behind the microphone and interviewing other fictional characters. Okay, so maybe she’d rather be boinking the New York Giants. But that was a previous life (she swears), and she’s fully dedicated to being the best Internet talk-radio host she can be. (At least, until something else catches her eye.)

    Melpomene



    Melpomene, the Muse of Tragedy, has nothing better to do than lament her fate—all but forgotten, the Muse has a tendency to sigh and fret and use her power to wreak havoc. At least, she used to do all that, before she got whammied but good and now is stuck speaking in clichés and pop-culture references, sans magic power. At least now that Mel is the producer of Cat and Muse, she gets airtime while she mopes.

    Jackie



    Jackie insists that she runs the joint. She’s just a slave monkey who does Jezebel’s bidding, but don’t tell her that.




    Contact

    Contacting Cat and Muse

    We love hearing from our fans! Email Jackie at with the subject “CAT AND MUSE” and rave about how much you adore Jezebel and feel for Melpomene. And let her know which characters you’d like to see on Cat and Muse. Who knows? Maybe we can oblige.

    If you’re an author and you’d like to set up an interview for your characters, email Jackie at with the subject “INTERVIEW ME.” Jackie would be happy to explain the process.

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