JEZEBEL:
Heya, Avid Fans! It’s time once again for Cat and Muse, coming at you live from the sordid depths of Jackie Kessler’s website. I’m your host, the former demon Jezebel.

Well, it’s 2010. And you know what that means. That’s right: Melpomene’s vacation time has kicked in. She’s off on a leave of absence, doing some soul searching — which, by the way, means something entirely different to a former demon — so she won’t be with us for a while. We miss you, Mel!

Our next guest has some thoughts about one-night stands…and most of those thoughts involve words that will get bleeped out. In a 4.5 star review, RT says: “Phoebe, who narrates her tale in the first person, is funny but able to kick butt when it counts, like all Bardsley heroines, so the action and humor are bountiful.” And Bitten By Books offers “kudos and copious amounts of chocolate to Ms. Bardsley for another completely satisfying” read.

Kudos AND chocolate? You know that’s got my attention. Avid fans, give a hotter than hell round of applause to the star of Michele Bardsley’s sixth Broken Heart novel, COME HELL OR HIGH WATER…Phoebe Allen!

[APPLAUSE]

Heya, Phoebe!

PHOEBE:
Hey there! Nice to be interviewed by the famous Jez.

JEZ:
Heh. Flattery gets you everywhere. So tell us about what’s happening in COME HELL OR HIGH WATER. Love the title, by the way.

PHOEBE:
I’m a vampire with demon powers who gets tricked into marrying a half-demon Scottish hottie.

JEZ:
So much there to love!

PHOEBE:
Doesn’t sound bad, right? Only…I sorta enjoy having a freaking choice about getting hitched. Call me traditional.

JEZ:
Pfft. Tradition is highly overrated, especially when you’ve been around long enough to see a billion traditions first created. What’s the worst thing about your situation?

PHOEBE:
Um, hello? Did you hear the answer to the first question? I got tricked into marriage.

JEZ:
[BLINKS] Your point being…?

PHOEBE:
Okay, okay. In the heat of passion…hot, naked Scotsman would blur any woman’s common sense, right?

JEZ:
Is this a trick question?

PHOEBE:
[SIGHS] In the heat of passion, I believed Connor Ballard’s lie.

JEZ:
‘Splain, please.

PHOEBE:
Vampires get 100-year-old “I Do” sentences if they do the mattress mambo with anyone.

JEZ:
Holy [BLEEP]. That’s…wow, I need a new word to describe how awful that is. Is there anything redeeming about your situation?

PHOEBE:
Um. Well. There is … you know, hot naked Scotsman.

JEZ:
Whew. Okay, so that sort of balances out. What’s a vampire with demonic powers wear these days? Anything you wouldn’t be caught dead in?

PHOEBE:
Considering I AM dead … I’m pretty much caught in everything. I don’t do leather, because wow, really? That’s so ’80s.

JEZ:
[CHUCKLES] True. Sounds like getting hitched just for a night between the sheets is the most ridiculous thing that happens to you, right?

PHOEBE:
Um … Connor has a demon-eating Chihuahua.

JEZ:
Say what now huh?

PHOEBE:
Seriously. That dog eats freaking bad-ass, sulfur-sucking Pit dwellers. How crazy is that?

JEZ:
Um. Yeah. Crazy. [SCOOTS BACKWARD] You saw the “No Pets Allowed” sign on the studio door, right? Ahem. Okay, spill. You and Connor. Who’s on top? Or are there other preferred positions?

PHOEBE:
[GRINS] All positions welcome. And tried. More than once.

JEZ:
Now THAT’S what I’m talking about! What’s your romantic fantasy? Don’t worry. It’s just us girls. You can be as graphic as you want. In fact, I insist.

PHOEBE:
Someone who cooks, cleans, rubs my feet, allows me maintain full control of the remote, supplies me with truffles, runs the perfect bubble bath, massages me, and rocks my world every night. [PAUSES] It’s just a small fantasy.

JEZ:
Heh. Which is better: sex or chocolate?

PHOEBE:
Chocolate with sex. Why choose either when you can have both?

JEZ:
You never know. So, in COME HELL OR HIGH WATER, were there any parts of the story where you were like, Michele, sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

PHOEBE:
Um … she married to me a demon. Threw me into a cage match with a bitch named Lilith, tossed me into the Pit I don’t know how many freaking times … so, yeah, you could say I had some issues.

JEZ:
Aw, poor sweetie. If you had your way, what would you change about COME HELL OR HIGH WATER?

PHOEBE:
Um … the hell part.

JEZ:
You know, speaking from experience, Hell sort of grows on you. If you could make Michele do anything, what would it be?

PHOEBE:
Day trip to hell. See how she likes it.

JEZ:
Tell me one thing in the real world that you wish you could change.

PHOEBE:
Chocolate should be calorie-free, damn it.

JEZ:
I so hear you. If COME HELL OR HIGH WATER goes Hollywood, who should play you in the movie?

PHOEBE:
Megan Fox. She kicks ass.

JEZ:
She does indeed. Finally, if you could be evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

PHOEBE:
The ability to turn things into chocolate.

JEZ:
Is that evil?

PHOEBE:
Only if I don’t share. [LAUGHS EVILLY]

JEZ:
Love it!

Avid fans, give another round of applause to the star of Michele Bardsley’s sixth Broken Heart novel, COME HELL OR HIGH WATER…Phoebe Allen!

[APPLAUSE]

[No, this isn't Phoebe Allen hiding behind a mega-huge book cover. But it is her Dear Creator, Michele Bardsley.]

The Broken Heart series includes:

I’M THE VAMPIRE, THAT’S WHY
DON’T TALK BACK TO YOUR VAMPIRE
BECAUSE YOUR VAMPIRE SAID SO
WAIT TILL YOUR VAMPIRE GETS HOME
OVER MY DEAD BODY
COME HELL OR HIGH WATER

You can get the series at Barnes & Noble, Borders, Mysterious Galaxy and other independent bookstores, Amazon, and other fine bookstores near you.

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse! Until next time, remember: love your inner demon.