[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
It’s time for something a little different on Cat and Muse: a twofer! Almost as much fun as a threesome.

MEL:
THREE IS COMPANY TOO.

JEZ:
Our next guests, plural, will be the first to tell you that superheroes can mean super ratings on television, especially when it’s reality TV. Publishers Weekly declares: “this fast-paced and sardonic story will appeal to comic book aficionados and heroic fantasy fans alike.”

Mmm. Men in spandex. I’m all over that. Avid Fans, give a hotter than hot welcome to two of the stars of the new incarnation of George R.R. Martin’s shared world of WILD CARDS….from INSIDE STRAIGHT, Carrie Vaughn’s characters, Curveball and Earth Witch!

[APPLAUSE]

Heya, ladies!

CURVEBALL:
Hi. Thanks for having us.

EARTH WITCH:
We’re looking forward to this. We’ve never had such interesting interviewers before.

JEZ:
And I’ve never had two women at once. [SMILES INNOCENTLY] So from what I understand, you operate in a world that’s had superheroes—legitimate, card-carrying superheroes—since 1946. What could possibly be bad about that?

CURVEBALL:
Oh my God, where to start?

JEZ:
Heh, this is going to be good.

CURVEBALL:
I know a lot of people signed on for American Hero— that’s the reality TV show we were on—thinking it was their big break, that they’d get their foot in the door in Hollywood and become big movie stars or something. Never mind that that hardly ever happens.

JEZ:
[NODS] Not without signing certain documents in blood. Usually.

CURVEBALL:
They wanted the all the publicity. [PAUSES MEANINGFULLY] But some of us really wanted to make a difference. We really wanted to learn to use our powers, and find a way to help people.

JEZ:
That sounds, well, you know. Superheroish. Altruistic. All that good stuff. So what went wrong?

CURVEBALL:
[ROLLS EYES] It turned into a big huge soap opera. People seemed to be more interested in who everybody’s sleeping with than what we can actually do.

JEZ:
[PERKS UP] Well, ain’t nothing wrong with superheroes having sex. A lot. Ideally, on camera.

CURVEBALL:
Maxim magazine ran a pool to see who I’d end up sleeping with by the end of American Hero. [SNORTS] There I am, blowing [BLEEP] up left and right, and the one thing people want to know is who I’m sleeping with.

EARTH WITCH:
[NODS] Even after we stopped a genocide in Egypt, the press is still mostly interested in who’s sleeping with whom.

MEL:
INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW.

EARTH WITCH:
There was also a pool going to see who Drummer Boy WOULDN’T sleep with.

JEZ:
Bless me, I’ve GOT to start watching this show.

CURVEBALL:
[SMILES] I’m happy to say that in my case, they all lost. The guy I ended up with wasn’t even a contestant on the show.

JEZ:
Hah! Okay, Earth Witch, your turn. Was the show a good experience, or not so warm and fuzzy?

EARTH WITCH:
The show turned out to be my big break, even though I wasn’t looking for it.

JEZ:
Are we still talking about all the super sex?

EARTH WITCH:
[SMILES] Sorry, no. My brother signed me up for the show behind my back. If it weren’t for him, I’d still be digging wells in New Mexico. That’s my power—I dig holes with my mind.

JEZ:
You must piss off a lot of unionized gravediggers.

EARTH WITCH:
[LAUGHS] Actually, I can do a lot more than that, and it was being on the show that taught me that. So I hate to complain.

JEZ:
But?

EARTH WITCH:
[SIGHS] But getting shot—that was pretty bad.

JEZ:
Yeah. I hate it when that happens. [GLARES AT COMPUTER SCREEN] Hear me, Kessler? I don’t want to get shot again!

MEL:
ENDED WITH A BANG.

JEZ:
The perils of reality television aside, there had to be something good about doing the show…

CURVEBALL:
[SMILES] I’ve made a lot of friends. When you have the wild card virus, even if you’re an ace, it makes you kind of a freak. You’re always going to be different.

JEZ:
“Ace”—that’s code for superhero, right?

CURVEBALL:
[NODS] I didn’t want to be the kind of ace who just uses my power for party tricks.

EARTH WITCH:
[GRINS] I don’t know—when you can throw things and make them blow up, that’s a pretty good party trick.

CURVEBALL:
But then you’re always stuck cleaning up ’cause you made the mess.

JEZ:
[LAUGHS] Yeah, there’s always a downside. What about you, Earth Witch? Are you in this for the party tricks, or is there something else?

EARTH WITCH:
I’d have to say the best thing for me has been getting out of my hometown, meeting lots of people, and learning how to use my power.

JEZ:
Nice.

EARTH WITCH:
[WINKS] And we have a guy whose superpower is to make people spontaneously orgasm.

JEZ:
[BURSTS OUT LAUGHING]

MEL:
[FROWNS] THE GIRL’S A SUPER FREAK.

JEZ:
What? It was funny.

MEL:
[SNIFFS]

JEZ:
Don’t mind the Muse, she’s just uptight. Okay, ladies. Let’s talk superhero fashion. I have to admit, I thought you’d be more about the capes and less about the tee-shirts.

MEL:
NO CAPES!

CURVEBALL:
I used to play softball, before my wild card turned. Shorts and a tee-shirt’s the outfit I’m most comfortable in, and it lets me run and throw.

EARTH WITCH:
For me, it’s jeans and whatever. [SHRUGS] I haven’t really worn much else. But Curveball promised to take me shopping in New York.

JEZ:
Sweet!

MEL:
START SPREADING THE NEWS.

JEZ:
So what wouldn’t you be caught dead in?

CURVEBALL:
[LAUGHS] Hey, I don’t want to be caught dead AT ALL.

JEZ:
Gotcha. [SMILES] Time to talk about your love lives!

EARTH WITCH:
This one’s all Curveball’s. I’m not seeing anyone.

JEZ:
Yet.

EARTH WITCH:
[LAUGHS] Yet.

CURVEBALL:
[BLUSHES] After all the work I’ve done trying to keep this out of the press, you’re going to ask me this?

JEZ:
You betcha.

CURVEBALL:
John and I are just trying to have a quiet, normal relationship.

EARTH WITCH:
Even though they’ve had their picture on the cover of Aces! magazine and are the total “it” couple right now.

JEZ:
Heh. Well then, what’s your romantic fantasy?

CURVEBALL:
To be together with John on a tropical island. With no paparazzi. [GRINS HUGELY]

JEZ:
Earth Witch? What about you?

EARTH WITCH:
To have a romantic fantasy, I’d have to have some romance first. That’s the fantasy, right there.

JEZ:
Aw.

CURVEBALL:
Give it time, chica.

JEZ:
Tell me, in INSIDE STRAIGHT, were there any parts of the story where you were like, Carrie, sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

EARTH WITCH:
Actually, the whole concept of American Hero was kind of a big, huh?

CURVEBALL:
[NODS]

EARTH WITCH:
I think it started as a throwaway line in the pre-planning stages of the book, then got totally out of hand. I heard Carrie mutter at one point, “I’ve created a monster.”

JEZ:
Mmm. Monsters.

CURVEBALL:
So yeah, there we are on American Hero, battling fake bank robbers and rescuing people from fake burning buildings. I swear, the writers sat around for hours, thinking up wacky fake challenges for the show.

JEZ:
If you had your way, what would you change about INSIDE STRAIGHT?

CURVEBALL:
I would have Drummer Boy not be a [BLEEP].

JEZ:
Ooh! ‘Splain, please!

CURVEBALL:
He was on our team on the show—the Hearts, if that isn’t corny enough—and he can be a really nice guy. All seven feet and six arms of him.

JEZ:
Bless me, the possibilities with six arms…

CURVEBALL:
Then you put a few hot chicks in the room, and he turns into an absolute [BLEEP]. No pun intended.

JEZ:
Heh. Am I detecting a wee bit of jealousy?

CURVEBALL:
[LAUGHS] If the two of us HAD hooked up, I wouldn’t be with John now.

JEZ:
Fair enough. Earth Witch? What would you change about INSIDE STRAIGHT, if you could?

EARTH WITCH:
I would have it so nobody got killed in Egypt.

CURVEBALL:
Oh yeah. That one. That one more than what I said.

JEZ:
Careful here. We don’t want to set off the Spoilalert. Damn thing’s impossible to turn off.

EARTH WITCH:
[MIMES ZIPPING LIPS SHUT]

JEZ:
Tell me one thing in the real world that you wish you could change.

CURVEBALL:
Wait a minute. I thought we WERE in the real world.

JEZ:
Um.

EARTH WITCH:
Hey, did you ever think about what would have happened if Fidel Castro had gone into politics in the 1950s instead of becoming a pro baseball player?

JEZ:
Right, moving along…what about in the publishing world? What would you change?

CURVEBALL AND EARTH WITCH:
More WILD CARDS books!

JEZ:
[GRINS] Sounds good to me. If INSIDE STRAIGHT goes Hollywood, who should play you in the movie?

EARTH WITCH:
Ooh, Salma Hayek. That would be so awesome.

CURVEBALL:
Milla Jovovich. She’s the only one I can think of who’s tough enough to play me.

EARTH WITCH:
What about like Reese Witherspoon? Or Kate Hudson? They’re cute.

CURVEBALL:
Can you imagine either of them throwing fastballs that explode on impact?

EARTH WITCH:
Good point.

JEZ:
Last question. If you could be evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

CURVEBALL:
Is this like saying, “If only she used her powers for GOOD.”

JEZ:
Heh. Sort of.

CURVEBALL:
We spent a whole day on American Hero stopping a fake bank robbery. I couldn’t help but think how easy it would be for the two of us to rob a couple of banks using our powers.

EARTH WITCH:
Oh, wow. You’re right. We could go all Thelma and Louise.

CURVEBALL:
Without the driving over a cliff at the end part, right?

EARTH WITCH:
Right.

JEZ:
I love it!

Boys and girls, give a standing O for Carrie Vaughn’s two characters in George R. R. Martin’s shared world of WILD CARDS novel, INSIDE STRAIGHT…Curveball and Earth Witch!

[APPLAUSE]

[No, this isn't Curveball. Or Earth Witch. It is, however, an extreme closeup of their Dear Creator's eye. Hi, Carrie!]

You can get the mass market of INSIDE STRAIGHT, the new Wild Cards release, BUSTED FLUSH, and the rest of the Wild Cards books at Barnes and Noble, Borders, Flights of Fantasy, Mysterious Galaxy and other independent bookstores, Amazon, and other bookstores near you.

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse! Until next time, remember: love your inner demon.

[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
Now, you have to understand that our next guest on Cat and Muse had to sign a waiver before agreeing to appear on the show, promising that she absolutely, positively would not point out to us exactly why we’re not a real talk-radio show. Or how our scripts aren’t formatted like real talk-radio scripts. Or, you know, try to steal our fans. But she’s a peach and signed the waiver, all without signing over her soul!

Publishers Weekly declares that “Vaughn’s universe is convincing and imaginative,” and Locus calls the Kitty Norville series “Fun, fast-paced adventure for fans of supernatural mysteries.” About KITTY AND THE MIDNIGHT HOUR, Romantic Times exclaimed: “Debut author Vaughn’s clever new take on the supernatural is edgy and irreverent.”

Avid Fans, give a standing-O for the star of Carrie Vaughn’s bestselling Kitty Norville series…Kitty Norville!

[APPLAUSE]

Heya, Kitty!

KITTY:
Hey there.

JEZ:
So. A werewolf named Kitty hosts a talk-radio advice show for the supernaturally disadvantaged.

KITTY:
You know, like if you ever need to complain about how your vampire boyfriend is a pain in the neck.

JEZ:
Groan.

KITTY:
And dude, a werewolf named Kitty. Seriously, who thinks up this stuff?

JEZ:
Heh. That would be your Dear Creator.

KITTY:
It’s a great name, don’t get me wrong. But when people find out I’m a werewolf, they’re like, “No, really. Seriously? Get out!” They think it’s a stage name. But do they really think I would do that to myself?

JEZ:
Hey, some people are gluttons for punishment. And S&M. But I digress. Other than your name, what’s the worst thing that happens to you in SILVER BULLET?

KITTY:
I face a true “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” situation.

JEZ:
Ooh, sounds like my sort of thing! ’Spain, please!

KITTY:
Waiting for me in Denver is the werewolf pack that exiled me, and the alpha werewolf who vowed to kill me if I ever returned. But my mother, who lives in Denver, is very sick. Of course I have to see her. But I’d rather not get killed by a super-violent and emotionally insecure werewolf while I’m at it.

MEL:
ROCK AND A HARD PLACE.

JEZ:
For real. Sucks to be you, eh?

KITTY:
In a sentence, I really, really hate it when people are trying to kill me. It seems to happen way too often.

JEZ:
Aw. Poor sweetie. Anything good happen to you?

KITTY:
I have more good people looking out for me than want to kill me.

JEZ:
Heh. Always a plus.

KITTY:
My human family, my wolf family, my lawyer turned boyfriend Ben. Boyfriend turned fiancé—see the ring?

JEZ:
Ooh—sparkly!

KITTY:
Squee!

MEL:
LIKE A DIAMOND IN THE SKY.

KITTY:
I’ve even managed to make friends with the master vampires of Denver and Washington D.C., and a really badass hit man. Being a werewolf is a tough gig, but friends make it easier.

JEZ:
See, you’re saying that it’s tough to be a Furry American. But sweetie, I have to say, I would have thought that you’d be more about the leather and less about the jeans and tee-shirt.

KITTY:
Maybe you can relate to this, but one of the perks of working on radio is not having to dress up all the time.

JEZ:
Well, yeah. But I’m also a stripper. When I get dressed up, it all comes off anyway.

KITTY:
[GRINS] I tend not to go for fancy duds and nice shoes, because I never know when I’m going to have run for my life, or rip it all off in order to shape shift.

JEZ:
[WINKS] Or strip.

KITTY:
[LAUGHS] I have been known to don a classic little black dress on occasion. I clean up pretty good.

JEZ:
What wouldn’t you be caught dead in?

KITTY:
Latex pants and a bustier cinched so tight my cleavage is in my face. Spiked heels straight out of a Frederick’s of Hollywood catalog. Because seriously, nothing says respect like that kind of outfit.

JEZ:
[SMILES] You’d be amazed how much you can rack up in tips when wearing that kind of outfit.

KITTY:
I just don’t get the appeal, I’m afraid.

JEZ:
That’s okay. Switching gears: you and Ben. Who’s on top? Or are there other preferred positions?

KITTY:
You’re wanting me to kiss and tell?

JEZ:
Uh huh.

KITTY:
Do you know how dangerous that is when you’re dating a lawyer?

JEZ:
[GRINS] Uh huh.

KITTY:
One thing I’ll say: I’m totally sick and tired of all the “doggy style” jokes.

JEZ:
[GIGGLES]

KITTY:
This is the sort of question that reminds me why I prefer to be the one asking the questions. I’m usually sitting on your side of the mike, you know.

JEZ:
I know. Nice dodge, by the way. Which is better: sex or chocolate?

KITTY:
Depends on the sex. Depends on the chocolate. I’ve had samples of both I could do without. But tell me, why does it have to be “or”?

JEZ:
It doesn’t. Believe me, it doesn’t. So, in KITTY AND THE SILVER BULLET, were there any parts of the story where you were like, Carrie, sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

KITTY:
I really did wonder if Carrie was just going to wipe us all out and have done with it. I mean, it was touch and go there for a while. But we all knew that couldn’t happen because the next book was already cooking.

JEZ:
Job security rocks!

KITTY:
But more specifically, Carrie made me shoot a gun. She made me learn to shoot! Can you believe it?

JEZ:
I take it this is a big deal?

KITTY:
I’m a werewolf. I’m supposed to be badass all on my own. Okay, so maybe I don’t quite manage it all the time. I’d still prefer to avoid the guns in the future. [COUGHS] Hint! [COUGHS]

JEZ:
If you had your way, what would you change about SILVER BULLET?

KITTY:
I’d like to have a lower body count.

JEZ:
Awww…

KITTY:
This is the fourth book, and I think the body count has gone up every single time. I shudder to think of what the future holds.

MEL:
HE DIES, SHE DIES, EVERYBODY DIES.

JEZ:
Heh, it’s my Locknar. Tell me one thing in the real world that you wish you could change.

KITTY:
Can’t we all just get along?

JEZ:
If we did, Hell would go out of business.

KITTY:
No, seriously. If there were more niceness the world would be a better place. Less ego, more kindness.

JEZ:
I don’t know. Sounds sort of dull, doesn’t it?

MEL:
KILL ME WITH KINDNESS.

JEZ:
[BRIGHTENS] Oh, right! Sure, bring on the kindness! If your series went Hollywood, who should play you in the movies?

KITTY:
Renee Zellweger, ten years ago. She’d be perfect. But I don’t suppose I can have that, can I? Imagination is a wonderful thing…

JEZ:
Well, they can do amazing things with makeup. And deals signed in blood. Last question: If you could be evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

KITTY:
I would only use my evil powers for good.

JEZ:
Seriously now.

KITTY:
Seriously. You know how I can tell? Because I do. I’m a werewolf who uses my highly rated radio show to convince people to be nice to each other. How odd is that? Sometimes I think it would be less work to be a rampaging maniac.

JEZ:
[LAUGHS] Depends if you had to clean up after yourself or not.

Boys and girls, give another hotter than hot round of applause for the star of Carrie Vaughn’s bestselling Kitty Norville series…Kitty!

[APPLAUSE]

[No, this isn't Kitty. But it is her Dear Creator, Carrie Vaughn, in an extreme close-up.]

The Kitty Norville books are:

KITTY AND THE MIDNIGHT HOUR
KITTY GOES TO WASHINGTON
KITTY TAKES A HOLIDAY
KITTY AND THE SILVER BULLET

And you can preorder KITTY AND THE DEAD MAN’S HAND, which is due to come out in February 2009, and KITTY RAISES HELL, which is due to ship in March.

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse! Until next time, remember: love your inner demon.