Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
Today’s guest is a delectable gent from parts unknown. Seriously. That’s what it says on the PR sheet. Now he’s currently serving time—or serving something—in the southern nations of the world of Mikon, where he’s helping one ambitious ruler learn to be a worthy empress. Spiffy! Fantasy 100 calls CRY OF JUSTICE “a challenging read full of complex cultural and social dilemmas.” And Midwest Book Review has this to say: “Brigandry is not a desirable first choice for a career. CRY OF JUSTICE is the tale of several unique individuals bound together by their desire to survive in a world that’s out to kill them. They and thousands of other war refugees strive to make life better for themselves, but they are forced to live on the outskirts of the law to do so. CRY OF JUSTICE is a riveting novel with great characters, caught amid a crisis of corrupt nations.”

Boys and girls, give a hotter than hot welcome to one of the stars of Jason Pratt’s CRY OF JUSTICE…Jian!

[APPLAUSE]

Heya, Jian!

JIAN:
Um… hi! [WAVES SHYLY]

JEZ:
We’re on radio, sweetie. The audience can’t see you.

JIAN:
Oh. I see. Or not, rather. [SMILES]

JEZ:
Bless me, you’re adorable. According to my notes, you play a vital role in CRY OF JUSTICE.

JIAN:
[BLUSHES] Honestly, I only helped out here and there. Portunista did a lot of the work herself.

JEZ:
Let’s see. [GLANCES AT CUE CARDS] She’s the ambitious and intemperate maga, the one who’s learning about how to be a benevolent dictator. Right?

JIAN:
Well… I’d rather she not be a dictator. But she isn’t much for, um, cooperation yet. She is learning, though. I think. And I’m trying to help! In, y’know, various ways.

JEZ:
[GRINS] Oh really?

MEL:
VERY HANDS ON.

JEZ:
That’s my guess. So, Jian. You and Portunista. [WAGGLES EYEBROWS] Who’s on top?

JIAN:
Eh? Are you asking who’s in charge?

JEZ:
Heh. Sure, that’s exactly what I’m asking.

JIAN:
Well, I’m her servant, so that would be her.

JEZ:
[SMILES] And the feminists of the world stand up and cheer!

MEL:
I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR.

JIAN:
But it can get rather… complex.

JEZ:
How so?

JIAN:
On my side of things, it’s important that I put my own needs second and concentrate on making sure she’s as satisfied as possible. My joy is in her, you see.

JEZ:
Awwww. That’s sweet.

JIAN:
[SMILES] Well, it’s true.

JEZ:
But you said that things can get complex. Care to give an example?

JIAN:
Well… I remember a time when ‘ista almost got us into serious trouble. It was kind of funny afterward, so I guess it’s okay to talk about it. Not that it was her fault!

JEZ:
Heh. Of course not. Do tell!

JIAN:
She was just excited and distracted and a little afraid, I think. And it was dark, and there was a lot of surging noise.

JEZ:
Um. You are talking about what I think you’re talking about, aren’t you?

JIAN:
We were swinging back and forth, but not getting as far as she wanted.

JEZ:
Oh yeah! Mel! Cue music!

MEL:
[PUTS ON BARRY WHITE CD]

JIAN:
It had to be disorienting for her. But I just wanted her to be happy, and I couldn’t explain how to get her where she wanted…

JEZ:
[BLINKS]

MEL:
[SWITCHES BARRY WHITE FOR OLIVIA NEWTON JOHN’S “PHYSICAL”]

JEZ:
See, I’d think that if you’re, ah, showing her how to do it properly, you wouldn’t need to explain anything…

JIAN:
Um…we were on a swing.

JEZ:
[SMILES] Ah. So that’s what the kids are calling it these days.

JIAN:
She was on my lap, and we were pumping back and forth, trying to reach that high spot where she could… um… launch.

JEZ:
[GIGGLES]

JIAN:
[BLUSHES] Ahem. She was kind of disheveled after we recovered from the plunge. It seemed funny later, her eyes all bulging out like that…

JEZ:
[BURSTS OUT LAUGHING]

JIAN:
Why are you laughing?

JEZ:
It’s been a while since I’ve had a guest carry a euphemism so far, and yet get so flustered by it.

JIAN:
Oh… Oh! You thought—!

JEZ:
[BLINKS] Wait. You mean you really were on a swing?

JIAN:
[NODS] Um. Well, okay, in a way I can see how that might count as lovemaking, too. [SMILES]

JEZ:
Heh. Okay then. Onto the questions. Sex or chocolate—which is better?

JIAN:
[STARES] Uh… that was rather a leap. I would say, “Whichever Portunista prefers at the moment.” But strictly speaking I think she prefers vania. [GRINS] You would call it “vanilla.” Very popular among Mikonese women as, er, a recreational drink.

JEZ:
Recreational drink, eh? Sounds like that’s one for “sex WITH chocolate.” Um, vanilla.

JIAN:
You’d probably have to ask her about that. I think her last flask of it was shared with… um… someone else. Before I arrived. She hasn’t shared any with me.

JEZ:
[SINGSONGS] Awkward…

JIAN:
She might just want to keep that as something unique to her former lover. Or lovers. [COUGHS] That really isn’t something for me to talk about, though. Can we move along to something else?

JEZ:
Sure thing. [TO MEL] Kill the music, Muse.

MEL:
[CUTS MUSIC] MUSIC SOOTHES THE SAVAGE BREAST.

JEZ:
Maybe so, but our guest here is hardly a savage. Are you, sweetie?

JIAN:
Not usually, no. I try to show mercy whenever I can.

JEZ:
Mercy, eh? And when you can’t show mercy, it’s time to swoop in and be the hero?

JIAN:
[FRUSTRATED] Look—I really am not here to be the “hero.” Which is a feminine name anyway. [GRINS]

JEZ:
Heh. Okay, you’re no hero. So what do you do?

JIAN:
I only lend a hand, and try to cooperate with whatever’s going on that looks worth doing. And, y’know, kind of inspire people to do better. Even everyday people. I try not to do more than the average person can do.

JEZ:
Try not to, eh?

MEL:
DO, OR DO NOT. THERE IS NO TRY.

JIAN:
[BLUSHES] Well… yeah. I can’t help doing a little better. Sometimes. But that’s not why I’m here.

JEZ:
Then why are you?

JIAN:
I’m here to help her, not to get attention for myself.

JEZ:
Her being Portunista, right?

JIAN:
[NODS] I’m supposed to be doing things with her, not all by myself. Honestly, I feel bad that we’ve spent the whole interview talking about me. [SIGHS] Could you ask me some things about her instead?

JEZ:
Sure! That time when you were on the swing—

JIAN:
[ARCHES EYEBROW] And not in regard to our love life, please. That’s supposed to be something sacred between us.

JEZ:
Fine, fine. So, in CRY OF JUSTICE, were there any parts of the story where you were like, Jason, dude, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

JIAN:
Actually, CRY OF JUSTICE was great fun. I got to make some new friends, and play with kids, and meet my wife, and help her completely mess up the expectations and plans of various villains! I have no complaints at all.

JEZ:
Really? None?

JIAN:
Except… um… toward the end. Not sure how much I can talk about that.

JEZ:
As much as you want, sweetie. Our soon-to-be-trademarked Spoilalert will go off if you start to let things slip.

MEL:
THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG.

JEZ:
And other clichés. Go ahead.

JIAN:
I was expecting more of a happy ending after everything I did with Portunista. I hope readers won’t want to throw her out a window. I don’t!

JEZ:
Heh. Well, the good thing about books is that they’re subjective.

JIAN:
Still… it doesn’t exactly bode well for me getting through the sequel quite as easily. Which in a way I already knew: I expect to die eventually accomplishing whatever it is I was called to do. When that happens, I’m hoping Seifas or Gaekwar will take care of Portunista.

JEZ:
[SCRAMBLES THROUGH NOTES] Yeah…I’m sure that will happen.

JIAN:
So in a way, I guess this book was the honeymoon. [SMILES] Except for the end. [SIGHS] I’ll just have to keep at it and try to win her heart someday. Hopefully before I die.

JEZ:
If you had your way, what would you change about CRY OF JUSTICE?

JIAN:
I’m tempted to say, “the ending.” But it wouldn’t be true love if Portunista was simply forced to love me. I would be horrified if that happened. And extremely angry. I don’t tolerate people forcing Portunista around very well. And neither does she! [GRINS]

JEZ:
Heh. I bet.

JIAN:
So, no, as disappointed as I was at the end, I’d rather she honestly come to see me as an enemy or a threat, if that’s the best she can do, than for Jason to simply change her around for my benefit.

JEZ:
Do Creators ever change things around for our benefit? [GLARES AT COMPUTER SCREEN]

JIAN:
Come to think of it, I was never promised that she would love me—only that I was doing the right thing to be giving myself for her.

JEZ:
Let’s hear it for rationalization. If you could make Jason do anything, what would it be?

JIAN:
Same answer, I guess. I’m really better off not dwelling on it, and concentrating instead on doing whatever it is that I’m supposed to be doing. Otherwise I might get resentful very quickly. [SMILES WRYLY]

JEZ:
Finally, if you could be evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

JIAN:
I’d probably betray everything in the world, kill Portunista, and destroy the Mikonese universe for my own self-protection and advancement. En route to doing the same to larger and larger universes.

JEZ:
Bless me, an honest answer about the nature of evil! Huzzah!

JIAN:
It wouldn’t be “spiffy” for other people. In fact, I’m sure I would prefer for other people not to exist at all, except as figments of my imagination perhaps. Real people are dangerous. Which is why good guys are more fun. [GRINS]

JEZ:
Among other things.

Avid Fans, give another round of applause to one of the stars of Jason Pratt’s CRY OF JUSTICE…Jian!

[APPLAUSE]

You can buy CRY OF JUSTICE at Barnes and Noble and Amazon.

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse! Until next time, remember: love your inner demon.