[APPLAUSE]

Hi, Mel!

MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
Even though summer is officially over, today’s guest reminds us that it doesn’t have to be hot outside for you to get sweaty inside. Sensual Ecataromance calls HOT TICKET “full of passion and sizzle from beginning to end,” and Literary Nymphs says HOT TICKET is “a gem of a book.”

Full of passion and sizzle? I am so there! Boys and girls, please give a red-hot welcome to the star of K.A. Mitchell’s HOT TICKET…Cade McKuen!

[APPLAUSE]

Heya, Cade!

CADE:
Hey. Digging the retro threads, Mel.

MEL:
THE CLOTHES MAKE THE MAN.

JEZ:
According to my notes, you’re a waiter by profession. Sweetie, I have to admit, I didn’t expect the neon rave pants, t-shirt and army jacket with band patches.

CADE:
[SMILES] Standard waiter attire is not exactly my thing.

JEZ:
So I see. Love the piercings. Hmmm…

CADE:
[LAUGHS] Sweetheart, that’s not pierced. Drag your eyes back up here.

JEZ:
Heh. Busted.

MEL:
CAN’T TAKE HER ANYWHERE.

JEZ:
Some of our readers aren’t familiar with erotica. Give me a one-line description of your book.

CADE:
[GRINS] Finding really hot sex in the trash.

JEZ:
Trash?

CADE:
Community service. Trash picking.

JEZ:
My my! Was that the worst thing that happens to you in HOT TICKET—sorting through the trash?

CADE:
I’d [BLEEP] you, tell you it was the whole community service, trash picking thing, but Elliot would see through it, perceptive [BLEEP].

JEZ:
Well then, what was the worst thing? Don’t worry, sweetie. You can trust us.

CADE:
I was scared. So [BLEEP] scared I’d screw it up.

JEZ:
Ah, l’amour.

CADE:
What did I have to offer the kid besides teaching him to do a guy right? He was young and hung, and I figured we could just have a good time, but he kept getting under my skin. Better to leave before it all went to hell—oops, bad word choice.

JEZ:
No worries. Sounds like you had it pretty tough.

CADE:
[GRINS] Did I mention young, hung and oh-so-teachable? I couldn’t run the kid off.

JEZ:
Sweet! Now, when you say “kid”…

CADE:
Don’t get any ideas about sending someone to drag me to the Pit for underage; he’s twenty-three.

JEZ:
Me? Get ideas? Never…

CADE:
When we met, I didn’t think he was my type. Gorgeous, but so not exactly my type. But that kid doesn’t back down from anything, not even me. And that’s what made me—ah, [BLEEP] it—love him.

JEZ:
Awwwwwwwww.

MEL:
CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT?

JEZ:
[GLANCES AT CUE CARDS] Now, it says here that you took your car, which has a nasty tendency to break down, over the Green Mountains in Vermont in January at night. Sort of ridiculous, no?

CADE:
[SMILES INNOCENTLY] You’re not thinking of all the opportunities there are in a broken down car.

JEZ:
Oh, sweetie! Do tell!

CADE:
Elliot and I found a way to keep warm. And he’s never going to find out whether I did that on purpose.

JEZ:
Hah! Okay, spill. You and Elliot. Who’s on top? Or are there other preferred positions?

CADE:
Oh, sweetheart, the only time I get off my back is to get up on my knees and take it from behind.

JEZ:
[BURSTS OUT LAUGHING]

CADE:
But—okay—if you really want to hear the mushy stuff, I like it when we’re on our sides, and he’s behind me, big body all warm around me, mouth licking and biting on the back of my—

[SEVEN-SECOND DELAY]

JEZ:
[FANS SELF] Bless me, now I’m all hot and bothered.

MEL:
[LEAVES TO TAKE A COLD SHOWER]

JEZ:
What’s your romantic fantasy?

CADE:
Romance, huh? I’d kind of like to see Elliot all roughed up, bumming around with me as we chase some band, just life as it happens. But the kid’s a planner. He doesn’t think that sleeping outside—even when it isn’t raining—is romantic.

JEZ:
Ah. Any friction, then? And not the good, sexual kind?

CADE:
[SHRUGS] He’s going to go to Nepal with me. He’s planning the trip. I think that he’s going to have to try a little spontaneity when we get there, but that’s our secret, okay?

JEZ:
[MIMES ZIPPING LIPS SHUT]

CADE:
See, my idea of romance is a reach-around [BLEEP] at a Godsmack/Metallica show just before we start moshing. His is more high thread-count sheets and room service. But as long as he doesn’t bring me flowers, we’re okay.

JEZ:
I just have to mention that my Dear Creator would kill to go to a Godsmack/Metallica concert. Just maybe now with the reach-around [BLEEP]. Which is better: sex or chocolate?

CADE:
Oh, Jezebel, if you have to ask, you haven’t had sex.

JEZ:
[SNORTS LAUGHTER]

CADE:
At least not with Elliot or me. And honey, if I swung that way, I’d totally help you out.

JEZ:
[ROLLS ON THE FLOOR, HELPLESS WITH MIRTH]

CADE:
But don’t get any ideas about Elliot. If you want to know about my jealous streak, just ask my ex-boyfriend’s car.

JEZ:
Bless me, I could just wrap you up and lick you. So, in HOT TICKET, were there any parts of the story where you were like, K.A., sweetie, what the Hell are you making me do? Or were you and your Creator in sync the entire time?

CADE:
Creator? K.A.’s my [BLEEP]. Elliot’s too. Never had a chance. We just popped up and ran off with the whole thing. Locked up all her other characters and took the hell over. Ah, sorry. Word choice again.

JEZ:
No worries.

CADE:
Though I think there should have been a few more sex scenes on stage.

JEZ:
Yeah! Now we’re talking!

CADE:
[SMILES] You have no idea how quick a learner that kid was. And innovative! Whoa. I get the whole word count issue, but really, there was no need for the part about my trying to get Elliot to give up. Nobody likes to see his emotions all raw like that on a page. Could have been another sex scene or five in there, instead. Stupid word counts.

JEZ:
Hmm. Some readers, they want all the gooey emotions. If you had your way, what would you change about HOT TICKET?

CADE:
Besides getting to show off a couple more positions?

JEZ:
Hah!

CADE:
Hey, yoga makes me bendy. And I am an attention whore.

JEZ:
I so want the Cade action figure…

CADE:
I think K.A. should have showed exactly what a [BLEEP] my ex was. There’s that prequel on her live journal page for free, if you can believe it.

JEZ:
We do so love the freebies. If you could make K.A. do anything, what would it be?

CADE:
K.A., sweetheart, are you listening? Give it up. I am never living in the suburbs. You are stuck with those crazy neighbors.

MEL:
[TOWELING OFF] WHATEVER DOESN’T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER.

JEZ:
Or maybe misses you and kills your crazy neighbors. Cade, tell me one thing in the real world that you wish you could change.

CADE:
Hmmm. Well, I think every gay person has that fantasy about all the closet cases turning blue, so that no one could hide it. You’d see then just how fast bigots shut their mouths.

JEZ:
Heh. I bet.

CADE:
But you said “real” world, so I just wish everyone would stop being so damned uptight about everything.

JEZ:
What about in the publishing world?

CADE:
[SNORTS] Talk about uptight! Some people seriously need to get laid. And by someone who knows what he’s doing.

JEZ:
Love your prescription! If HOT TICKET goes Hollywood, who should play you in the movie?

CADE:
I really don’t like movies. Drives Elliot nuts. But you’d need someone who can do sexy and edgy. You think they could get a singer from one of my favorite bands to do it? Everyone wants to act, right?

JEZ:
Absolutely. What about your ex?

CADE:
Someone beautiful on the outside who’s [BLEEP] soulless. Hollywood’s got to be full of them. You’d know, right? Your contacts must have a list.

JEZ:
I do know. But I ain’t telling. What about Elliot? Who should play him?

CADE:
Other than a porn star?

JEZ:
Hah! Hell knows, I’m fine with porn stars! Finally, if you could be evil for one day, and you were granted spiffy evil powers, what would the powers be and how would you use them?

CADE:
Man, can you see all the people turning various shades of blue? Who’s a perv now?

JEZ:
Love it!

CADE:
Some of those bullies who pick on the “different” kids looking like mermen. And those “moral” politicians. It’ll be hard spilling all that hate when you match the blue in the flag. That would be so much fun.

JEZ:
Fabulous!

Once again, boys and girls, give a round of applause to the star of K.A. Mitchell’s HOT TICKET, Cade McKuen!

CADE:
[GRABS MICROPHONE] I just want to thank who ever threw those concert tickets in the trash. Man, I owe you. Big time.

JEZ:
Hee. You can buy the ebook or the print edition at the Samhain website. HOT TICKET is part of the CUSTOM RIDE anthology.

That’s it for this episode of Cat and Muse! Until next time, remember: love your inner demon.