MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
Getting ready for your family reunion?

MEL:
ASK ME NO QUESTIONS AND I’LL TELL YOU NO LIES.

JEZ:
Ouch. That doesn’t sound like happiness.

MEL:
A LAUGH A MINUTE.

JEZ:
Your sisters still pissing you off?

MEL:
BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER.

JEZ:
Aw. Well, I bet you’ll still have a great time.

MEL:
SHE WHO LIVES BY THE SWORD DIES BY THE SWORD.

JEZ:
Sweetie, that’s what I tell all my clients.

Well, Avid Fans, there’s no interview for you today. More are in the works, demon’s honor. But for now, we have Love Letters! Specifically, we have…drum roll, please…

[DRUMROLL]

More reviews for THE ROAD TO HELL!

Here’s one from Mrs. Giggles: “The Road To Hell is a fabulous read. The humor is fabulous–this story is funny but not farcical while the heroine isn’t too ditsy–and the author’s timing is just great….All in all, The Road To Hell is an enjoyable trip from beginning to end.” (Scored 85/100)

And another from our favorite Demon Hunter at Obfuscation of Reality: “The Road to Hell is action-packed with too many twists and turns to mention. I loved it! Every page will keep you captivated.”

The Smut Sluts (hee hee hee — I love that name!) crowed: “I LOVED IT!! I thought the first book Hell’s Belles was awesome but this completely blew it out of the water. I’m putting The Road to Hell at the top of my Best Books of the Year list!”

And Naomi Clark came up with four reasons why The Road to Hell is better than Hell’s Belles, and she concludes: “[T]his is a fun, witty read. Jesse is wonderful–sparky and brave and unapologetically sexual. Road also has moments of surprising darkness to offset the comedy, and you find yourself completely caught up in Jesse’s journey.”

MEL:
SILVER TONGUED DEVILS.

JEZ:
Indeed! I’m no demon of Arrogance, but let me tell you, my ego is swelling bigger than my libido right now.

MEL:
PRIDE GOETH BEFORE A FALL.

JEZ:
Mel, you put the “fun” in “funeral,” you know that?

Oh, my Dear Creator says that there is a winner of the Best Contest Ever. So…

CONGRATULATIONS, JOHANNA! Get your contact info to Richelle, pronto.

And once my Dear Creator gets off her lazy [BLEEP] and formats the interview with the fabulous Nina from Renee Rosen’s EVERY CROOKED POT, we’ll have another episode of Cat and Muse. Maybe comments will encourage Jackie to stop writing and start formatting…

Last thing, kids: The Hit the ROAD Pre-order Sweepstakes is drawing to a close! You have until midnight, October 30, 2007, to send in a copy of your receipt for The Road to Hell or to get a postcard postmarked and mailed to Jackie’s PO Box. For details, check out the Hit the ROAD FAQ.

As always: Love your inner demon.

Hey there, Avid Fans! I’m the former demon Jezebel, coming at you live from the sordid depths of Jackie Kessler’s website. Melpomene’s on an enforced vacation (some Muses really shouldn’t be allowed to drink cosmopolitans and then follow Matt Damon home — it can get very ugly), so it’s just me today.

My Dear Creator was hanging out at Dear Author, where there’s a terrific post about what it means to be a bestselling author. Me, I’d always thought to be a bestseller, you had to make a deal with You Know Who. (Hey, I drink the company Kool-Aid, you know?) Turns out, that’s not the case. Check out the post.

And look, a meme!

MEME MEME MEME

List 10 books that really should be bestsellers.

This means that these books are not bestsellers, and there’s a good chance that they will not be in the near future — but they really should be, because they are terrific books. So hey: flaunt your power. Make these titles bestsellers. And it won’t even cost you your soul. (Promise.)

Here are the (cough, former) demon Jezebel’s Books of Bestdom. And it has nothing to do with the sexiness of the characters in the books. Really. Scout’s honor. (What? I tried to seduce a guy named Scout once. But he was all White Knight, and it didn’t work out. Things happen. He’s dead now.)

1. RISES THE NIGHT, Colleen Gleason. I want Sebastian. Now. And if you haven’t read THE REST FALLS AWAY, rectify that and go buy that book too. Think Buffy, a la Jane Austen.

2. BOBBIE FAYE’S VERY (VERY, VERY, VERY) BAD DAY, Toni McGee Causey. Not only is Treveor smokin’ hawt, but Bobbie Faye is utterly certifiable. I admire that in a human. My Dear Creator has laughed out loud reading this southern caper-comedy.

3. SHADOWS IN THE DARKNESS, Elaine Cunningham. Yeah, I know, bad form to pimp my friends. But Avid Fans, I have to tell you, Ian is inhumanly sexy. And Gwen is a top-notch urban fantasy heroine, right up there with Joanne Baldwin and Anita Blake. Also fabulous is the followup, SHADOWS IN THE STARLIGHT.

4. DEMON MOON, Meljean Brook. Colin = yum. Seriously. He was also yummy in DEMON ANGEL. ((fans self))

5. SUCCUBUS BLUES, Richelle Mead. Yeah, see the above about pimping friends. But Georgina rocks, and bless me, I don’t know who’s hotter: Seth or Roman. Ah, Hell with it: I’d do them both. At the same time. And don’t forget the next in Georgina’s series: SUCCUBUS ON TOP, in January 2008.

6. VISIONS OF HEAT, Nalini Singh. This one probably is already on the bestseller list. As well it should be. Also fabulous was her first in the series, SLAVE TO SENSATION.

7. NIGHT LIFE, Caitlin Kittredge. Memorize her name, kids. Caitlin is going to be a superstar. I mean it. And yeah, yeah, I know, pimping friends isn’t cool. I am happy to not be cool about this, because this werewolf cop/urban fantasy is utterly terrific. Coming out in March 2008. Buzz, buzz!

8. EIGHTH GRADE BITES, Heather Brewer. This one’s YA, and it’s one of the funniest, darkest books of its kind. Vlad is scrumptious, and if he were only a wee bit older, I’d…well. Anyway. This one’s not only a keeper: it’s groundbreaking. Preorder your copy today!

9. HELL’S BELLES, Jackie Kessler. Cough. What can I say?

10. THE ROAD TO HELL, Jackie Kessler. Actually, Avid Fans, I know that my Dear Creator is planning something very, very big around the launch of her novel. Something about “Hell Week.” Seriously. Stay tuned. Oh, and once she gets advance reading copies, you know that I’m stealing some to give away, don’t you?

Coming soon to Cat and Muse: an interview with Fred Bimm, from SLEEPING WITH THE FISHES. More soon!

Smooches!

Many apologies, Avid Fans. My Dear Creator has been in the throes of creativity and has eschewed her Cat and Muse responsibilities all so that she could finish the draft of the third Hell on Earth novel, HOTTER THAN HELL. I’m happy to say she finished the damn draft, so now she’s got no excuses and can once again focus on a certain former succubus. (And on a certain Muse of Tragedy.)

But who cares about my Dear Creator? Everyone wants to know who won the spiffy silver and peridot Shield Against Evil.

A huge congratulations to…

JACKIE W. from La Mesa, CA! The necklace will be mailed out to you this week.

A huge thanks to everyone who entered. And have no fear if you didn’t win; there’s another spiffy contest coming up shortly…and this one’s got Hell’s Belles written all over it. And no, I’m not talking about my book, either. Stay tuned for more information…as well as for a fabulous interview with Victoria Gardella, heroine of Colleen Gleason’s amazing THE REST FALLS AWAY.

Smooches!

Yeah, I know. Based on the subject, you thought this would be a naughty little ditty about the pursuit of bedroom happiness. Me too. But nope. Based on the meme I got this morning from Melpomene, this is the name of a charity anthology from Freya’s Bower.

Whoa–a demon? Pushing a charity antho? You-know-what must have frozen over… Oh, lookee: it’s a collection of romance and erotica. Sweet…!

(And in case you’re wondering, yes, here at Cat and Muse, we’re subject to the occasional Public Service Announcement.)

Here’s the scoop: There are a lot of [BLEEP] out there who like to hurt women. Domestic violence sucks. There are many shelters out there that help victims of such abuse, helps them heal and take back their lives. The entire purpose of the Dreams & Desires anthology is to help these battered women by raising awareness about domestic violence. And all net proceeds of the anthology will go to a battered-women’s shelter.

So if you’re looking to increase your Good karma, or if you just want to read a bunch of sexy stories about people who are pursuing their own dreams and desires…or if you want to contribute to a terrific cause…go ahead and buy your copy today.

And yes, my Dear Creator has a story in it. How’d you ever guess?

MELPOMENE:
YO.

JEZ:
You’re looking lovely as ever, Mel. You do the Grecian Revival thing very well. Is that a new toga?

MEL:
OLD HABITS DIE HARD.

JEZ:
I hear that. Me, I’m still eyeballing every guy I meet and thinking about what his soul would taste like, even though I’m not a demon anymore. Tough to unlearn four thousand years of conditioning, you know?

MEL:
LIFE’S A BITCH, THEN YOU DIE.

JEZ:
By the way, Avid Fans, Mel here is one of the nine Muses. Specifically, she’s the muse of tragedy. Used to be the life of the party, until she watched one too many episodes of Dawson’s Creek. Now all she does is speak in clichés. And quotes from television shows. Tragedy if I’ve ever heard it.

Now, you may be wondering WTF, why is a book character hosting her own blog? Well, sweeties, it’s true that I’m a character in a novel. So what? Like that means I don’t have anything to say? Novels are great, as far as that goes, but it sucks being able to say only what the author lets you. [BLEEP], talk about censorship.

I mean, take a look at Huckleberry Finn. Good story, about to have a fabulous related story by Jon Clinch hit the shelves in a few months. But do you really think that Huck himself spoke in apostrophes? Holy [BLEEP] in Heaven, people, the real Huckleberry was an Oxford graduate. English accent, slurped Earl Grey.

MEL:
THE WHOLE NINE YARDS.

JEZ:
Exactly. But people don’t realize that there’s more to good old Huck than what Mark Twain showed us in Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer. Don’t even get me started on Becky Thatcher. Girl was a real slut. Take it from one who knows.

So, point is, yes, I’m a book character. BFD. Now, if you want to read my Dear Creator Jackie Kessler’s words, straight from her own mouth (okay, fingers), then you should go to her other blog, Insert Witty Title Here. But Cat and Muse is my baby. My Dear Creator is invited to visit here in the studio, of course. Hear that, Jax? Think you can handle me uncensored? Come on over. Phone lines are open.

MEL:
THE WATER’S FINE.

JEZ:
Anyway. So, this is Cat and Muse. What to expect? Basically, the format will be something like this.First, I’ll say my hellos, then will dive into a rant about whatever I feel like. Being a former succubus, I have certain convictions (sex = Good; milk = Bad) that I’m all too happy to discuss. I may bitch or cheer about something happening in the world at large (ooh, lookee at all the death, doom and destruction!), and I may drool about certain Hollywood eye candy (Matt Damon, if you’re reading this, I want you, dipped in chocolate).

Then I’ll talk about my favorite topic. (Hmmm, what could a succubus-turned-exotic-dancer’s favorite topic be? I’ll give you three guesses.)

Next comes the part I’m really excited about: character interviews. That’s right, my sweets. I’ll be interviewing other novel characters, right here on Cat and Muse. Like who, you ask? Ah, my Avid Fans, just you wait. Patience, grasshopper.

MEL:
PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE.

JEZ:
Bless me, you’re right. Well, [BLEEP] virtue. You can expect interviews with vampire queen Betsy Taylor, star of MaryJanice Davidson’s Undead series, and Birdie Lee, star of Melanie Lynn Hauser’s Super Mom series, to name just two. Me, I can’t wait to ask Betsy to get into nummy details about Sinclair, or for Birdie to tell the truth about whether superheroes have super stamina in bed. We’ll also be meeting a few up and coming stars, like Vlad Tod of Heather Brewer’s August 2007 release, Eighth Grade Bites. And, of course, I’ll be interviewing my costars from Hell’s Belles, maybe even a Muse or two.

MEL:
GO AHEAD, PUNK. MAKE MY DAY.

JEZ:
Mel loves her sisters, can you tell?

Finally, I’ll close with something about my Dear Creator. Like about how she has this thing about having to check the expiration date on milk cartons. Really, Jax—milk? Feh. Actually, I can’t blame her for that, as I’m convinced the only thing milk is good for is baby cows. But yes, I’ll close with a tidbit about Jackie. Because I can. And if she doesn’t like it, I invite her to come on the show and talk to me directly.

[KISSY SOUNDS]

Remember, Avid Fans, if you have any questions about Jackie, about Hell’s Belles, or about me, you just go right ahead and comment on the blog. Mel and I will read everything you write, sweeties. Especially the love notes.

MEL:
LOVE STINKS.

JEZ:
Now, now, sweetie. No quoting song titles.

That’s it for now. Remember, my sweets: lust isn’t just a deadly sin. It’s also clinically proven to reduce wrinkles. Smooches!